Tiny amount of cocaine found in the hangar with the space shuttle Discovery. This has triggered the type of check that, if the TSA ever did it, might actually stop a terrorist from getting on a plane. But no... they've got all their resources tied up in making sure babies aren't carrying explosives in their diapers.
Another car repossessed with a toddler inside. This story is getting old, but apparently, not old enough. STOP LEAVING YOUR KIDS INSIDE CARS WHEN YOU'RE NOT DRIVING! If a repo man can make off with your car, so can a child molestor. And they're not going to call and tell you where your child is, either.
Animal rights activists protest experiments where pigs are buried in snow and left to die. The experiment has been halted for the moment, and will resume in a few weeks with animal rights activists taking the place of the pigs.
Hackers make a Russian billboard show porn instead of advertisements. In Soviet Russia, porn pays for space on advertising sites.
Prostitute leaves her 3-month-old baby in the car while she works. While I support the working mother ethic... STOP LEAVING YOUR KIDS IN THE FREAKING CAR! Bring the kid inside and pop in a Dora DVD or something while you take care of paying the bills. And no, having a kid isn't going to hurt business. Any man who doesn't think a woman who's had a baby is sexy enough doesn't understand lactation.
Dallas cop fired for sending nude pictures of himself to a 17-year-old. They turned up during divorce proceedings, but privacy laws apparently don't cover this sort of thing.
British bobbies get a reprimand for using their riot shields as sleds. I assume none of them were dealing in nude pictures at the time. Still, who's going to riot when the country's buried in snow? Animal rights activists?
Yet another misuse of police equipment: Cop shocks junior high school students with Taser as a demonstration. There are still smart cops out there, right? Somewhere?
Cops find marijuana growing in an underground garden in a buried school bus. Ah, there we are. Now if only they could apply those techniques to the space shuttle Discovery hangar...
Man enters a woman's unlocked apartment, steals $10 from her wallet, and cuts off the head of her fish. I just plain don't understand that one at all.
Man offers apologetic holdup note and waits to be arrested, but forgets to rob the place. He's being charged with initiating a false report, but I don't think they can get that charge to stick... he didn't actually CALL the police, nor did he specifically ask them to be called. Also, he obviously wants to be arrested.
Supposedly, there's a story in here about someone pissing on a nativity scene, but I can't get to it. If you can, let me know if it's funny, and maybe I'll make a joke about it.
EDIT: It's not. You'd think there'd be something funny about a religious college student getting drunk and peeing on a nativity, but no. Although I suppose the charge of "desecration of venerated objects" is a bit chuckle-worthy. Still, I'm not even going to try to make a Jesus joke about someone peeing on baby Jesus or anything like that. Drunk people do stupid drunk things and then it happens again. Nothing to read here, move along.