Court drops lewdness case against a model posing for nude photos in a museum full of depictions of naked people. "Quick, Johnny, look away from the naked woman. On second thought, just close your eyes and keep moving."
Woman loses long-term disability benefits for depression because she posts pictures of her vacation on Facebook. I have yet to learn of any aspect of Facebook membership that is not a mistake in every possible sense. I can say mostly the same of health insurance companies, but since hers is based in Canada, I have no experience with the subject other than stories like this.
Man kicks his girlfriend's pit pull puppy to death so he can get home and watch football. Remember... video games are the cause of all abstract violence. Except they're not.
Would-be bank robber gets life sentence for breaking into a woman's home and scaring her to death. Bet he wishes he'd gotten away with some money for his trouble, at least.
Man pays teens to project spit and... other stuff onto his face. "A motive was not clear"... damn straight.
Man wants to sell an original Apple-1 computer for $50,000. It may not be as functional, but it's still probably cheaper than a modern Mac. Bada-bing!
Seriously, though, can you picture the commercial with an old man leaning on a cane, saying "I'm an Apple, and let me tell you, you young whippersnappers with your fancy-pants PCs don't know the meaning of the word 'computer'! Back in my day, we didn't have those mouses with all the funny little buttons that open programs and do your homework for you. We had one button, and we had to figure out how to make it do everything! And what's with all these colors? Sixty-four million colors? When's the last time you bought a box of sixty-four million crayons? I can't even NAME sixty-four million colors! How do you know they ain't lying to you and just using the same sixty-four colors a million times each, eh? Riddle me that, pipsqueak!" End with the familiar Apple logo and fade to the next commercial.
Interior decorator faking his disability claims appears on TV show about interior decorating to talk about the work he's supposedly too sick to do. See, I don't think his doctor ordered him to go on that show. There's a difference here.
Toddler helps his mother give birth in the living room. Where was the father during this... in outer space? Seriously, it has to be one of the father's main responsibilities to make sure the kids don't end up with names like "Bobbye", "Jeremiha", and "Kamron".
Why would you beat up people and post the videos on Youtube? Is there any intelligence left in society as a whole? Some tiny shred of anything that might give us hope for a future? Or is every front yard in the country soon going to look like something off the cover of a Darwin Awards book, because frankly, that's where we're heading at this rate.
Police officer Tasers a 10-year-old girl. It sounds like police brutality, but with the details I'm getting from the article, I have to side with the cop on this one. We've got a girl who's being such a disciplinary nightmare that her mother is forced to call the police (see, no parental abuse here), and when the cop tries to do his job, she kicks him in the no-kicking spot. As the article and the police point out, the Taser is probably the least likely option to cause injury to anyone when applied correctly, and it sounds like he did that. The more frequent use of Tasers to discipline children in this fashion might lead to a better-behaved America and help avert some of the idiocy I was worried about in the previous paragraph. Is it too much to hope for? People need to learn that the "don't Tase me, bro" video and cases of people being Tasered to death are misapplications of the technology... and people with pacemakers should really stop whatever stupid thing they're doing when threatened with a Taser if they're so afraid. Do you eat something that you have a deathly allergic reaction to? Well, reviewing the paragraph above again, probably. Dumbass.