Nidoking (nidoking) wrote,

News in briefs

First off, from our good friends at Lowering the Bar (okay, I really like the site, and I'm pretty sure its author doesn't know I exist) comes a heads-up about an interview that could be coming to C-SPAN: Justice Scalia seems to think that smart people should stop being lawyers. There are two ways to look at it. On one hand, how smart can they be if they became lawyers? On the other, if that's where the money is, how stupid would they have to be NOT to become lawyers?

Bank manager steals from her bank and gives to the poor. Apparently, this amounted to lots of small loans and reversed fees. I have to wonder whether she ever made it into The Consumerist for her generosity in keeping customers happy.

It's a good idea to have a designated driver. It's also a good idea to make sure you designate someone who can drive. A 13-year-old boy is not an acceptable designated driver.

If you ARE old enough to drive, it's a good idea to take driving lessons before applying for a license. It's a bad idea to take driving lessons from someone without a driver's license, because you might crash into a house. Even better, the driver was an illegal immigrant who can't get a license anyway. IF THE SYSTEM IS WORKING...

Woman dares deputy to Taser her, he does, and now she wants to get a lot of money for it. And she'll probably get it because of how expensive the lawsuit would be. This could provide a very lucrative opportunity for those with a high tolerance for pain.

Woman drives around with her 13-year-old daughter in a cardboard box on the roof. She's not COMPLETELY stupid about it... she fastens the box to the van with a clothes hanger. Okay, she's completely stupid about it. But at least she had a designated driver with her.

Germany's most popular women's magazine will feature pictures of regular women instead of models. Yet more concern about how featuring anorexic women as the ideal of beauty is leading to health problems among the other 100% of women. Time for the hands again. On one hand, this move could begin to spell the end for the modeling industry, and force all those women who make a career of beauty (both having it and making it) to find something productive to do with their lives. On the other hand, it will take a lot of effort to overcome the existing perceptions of beauty, and until then, people might find themselves gravitating toward the magazines with the pictures of women with more bone than skin. (I'm beginning to think Sunako Nakahara has a point.) Of course, you should probably all know by now that my idea of beauty is pretty different - mainly featuring the opposite of women who say things like "Women want to see clothes on a beautiful, aesthetically pleasing person." (And men want to see clothes OFF a beautiful, aesthetically pleasing person.) So? Women also seem to want to die of malnutrition if it means they can fit through a Cheerio for a few weeks beforehand. Women aren't very good at wanting what's good for them.

Couple beats up a man for asking them to stop swearing in front of children at the KFC. I can say to one person on my friends list that I hope this makes your situation seem a little less dire by comparison.

And the beatings get worse. This guy was beaten while his home was being robbed, then got shot in the hand while learning to use a gun to defend himself. Bet he could use some Kentucky Frickin' Chicken to cheer up.

Man embezzles money to buy lottery tickets, then has to give up the prize to repay his company. At least they came out ahead. That's unusual in lotteries.

The University of Florida removes their zombie apocalypse disaster plan from their website. Well, when the zombies invade and nobody's prepared, you'll know who to blame.

Woman lets her 12-year-old daughter drive her younger siblings to day care. Isn't she about a year too young to be a designated driver?

High school officials ban Bible verse signs held by cheerleaders from football games. The community, of course, is in uproar. Oh, shut up and go back to studying the "Satan is a dick" theory. If God wanted you holding signs with Bible verses, He surely would have interceded to prevent the ban.

An inspirational story about a one-handed basketball player. I post this mainly as proof to those models in Germany who will be losing their jobs that just because you have a deficiency, it doesn't mean you can't overcome it and achieve something. Not to say that all models are deficient in the smartiness department... I know some of them are just in need of the extra income to finance their college careers. I don't think they have anything to worry about, frankly. The Paris Hiltons of the world... you can overcome your deficiencies and achieve something.

11-year-old boy leads cops on high speed chase. They're getting younger and younger!

Old news by now, but still funny: Al-Qaeda experiments with bombs shoved up the rears of their suicide bombers, but can't manage to blow up more than the bomber himself. Maybe this is just a ploy to make us think they're stupid, but I haven't seen any Al-Qaeda underwear models yet. But, given the description of how the payload goes off, I just can't help but think that it really redefines the term "silent but deadly".

The Wisconsin Tourism Federation has been renamed The Tourism Federation of Wisconsin. What the frickin' chicken, Wisconsin? You used to be cool... in the most sarcastic sense, of course.

In-line skater beats up parents who let their 4-year-old ride his tricycle in the bike lane. Lay off the people, jerk! He's got to practice for when he starts driving in six years!

Man turns himself in for robbing a bank. Well... that's nice.

What? I don't want to discourage the few people who are willing to make things as right as they can.

Woman cooks and eats goldfish to get back at her ex-husband. Okay... you ate some fish that probably tasted like crap. Boy, you really showed him.

Tufts University says sex is okay as long as your roommate isn't in the room with you. It seems like a stupid policy, and it is, but they're missing the real intent of the policy... students can no longer have sex WITH THEIR ROOMMATES. More anti-gay legislation slipped in under the guise of respecting personal space. Will they never learn?

Drunk man drives himself to police station. Really? What happened? You couldn't find a kid young enough to drive you there?

Also, the Gatorade machine once again has a bottle of Mutton Dew lying on the mechanism. And it was working so well until then.
Tags: gatorade, possible blasphemy

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