Nidoking (nidoking) wrote,

Where's my news? Is that my news?

Lawyer earns 90 days in jail for making obscene hand gestures at a judge. Yep, the old "jerk off" motion, which the lawyer said was aimed at a prosecutor. I think that pretty much sealed the deal. If nothing else, he's guilty of being a lawyer who doesn't know the rule about making self-incriminating statements... don't.

Handcuffed suspect escapes in the police car. This is why we don't leave the keys in the vehicle while we're not in it. Ambulances may have some excuse, since they're probably on matters of life and death, but that didn't stop this guy from stealing one on his way out of the hospital.

The usual sad story: Man puts dog in kennel, man gets dog back, man realizes it's not his dog, man returns dog, man gets same dog back again, kennel refuses to swap for the right dog. Because, clearly, everyone knows you have to bring your vet when picking up a dog, just to make absolutely sure you have the right one.

Price fixing in the stripper industry. See, in Australia, stripping is not only legal, it's a profession, with authenticity in the courts! America makes such a big deal out of wanting to turn out only top-quality educated women and illegitimize anything to do with sex, and then we get Paris Hilton. Which country has the right idea, do you think?

Surgeons post a video on YouTube of themselves removing a spray can from a man's ass. Sounds instructive. It teaches men not to stick spray cans up their asses.

A 4-year-old cricket prodigy. Imagine... a four-year-old boy who can understand the rules of cricket! He's a super-genius! By age 13, he'll be able to file taxes, and at age 19, he'll be inventing a cure for cancer while understanding 2001: A Space Odyssey without having read the book!

Small-town mothers in Spain make a nude calendar as a school fundraiser, but it flops. Looking at the picture, I don't much wonder why. Maybe it's price-fixing.

An article about funny geographical names in Alaska, like Eek, Chicken, and Dakeekathlrimjingia Point. Sounds like a sex act to me.

Man in drag crashes into the lingerie store that refused to hire him. And I thought that sort of thing only happened in anime. Then again, this guy was trying to get arrested.

Tow truck takes car with kid inside. The headline invariably makes me think of a very tall building scooping up a car and rolling away on castors or something. Who actually calls one who tows a "tower"?

Fried chicken, pot, and some Ecstasy for dessert. Even Kentucky Grilled Chicken wasn't enough of a gimmick, was it?

The by now famous Divorce by YouTube. I think someone linked from that to a video of doctors removing a spray can from her ass, but it turned out to be a Rick Astley video. Why can't people use computers and the Internet to MAKE love instead of destroying it, like the guy who programmed a marriage proposal into Bejeweled? (Good thing for him his wife was good at the game... I'd hate to do that much work only for the woman never to reach the required score.)

China wants CNN to apologize for calling their products "junk" and their leaders "a bunch of goons and thugs". What are they going to do, refuse to host the Olympics? Boy, that would hurt.

The guy whose car was towed while he gave CPR will have the bill reimbursed. How good of the department.

Steven Vander Ark tries to outcry J.K. Rowling in court. I'm not even sure it's worth having an opinion anymore... Sure, she has a point, but complaining because the prospect of his book was sapping her will to write? Bah. That's an excuse. Mor(e )on that story as it develops, I'm sure.

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