Nidoking (nidoking) wrote,

A News Too Far

Dead man gets eight months in jail and a fine. The jail time, he can probably still do, although he'll smell pretty bad by the end of it. But what about that fine?

Two-faced baby born in India. In America, the baby would immediately be named Harvey, but in India, they revere her as a reincarnated god. The compassionate part of me hopes she does well and grows up just like anyone else, but the Cynic in me says her early death, while undeserved, would at least have the benefit of giving everyone a "Ha ha! Where's your god now?" moment. So, Lali Singh... if the hand that nature dealt you is cruel and you don't get a fair chance at life, know that your existence had meaning to the people who didn't think it should.

She's cute, though. I love the little double dimple there in her middle cheek.

Venezuela decides that "The Simpsons" is too adult for a morning timeslot and replaces it with "Baywatch: Hawaii". the funny thing is that it was The Simpsons who made fun of South American children's programming featuring sexually suggestive material. Maybe it was that episode that caused the problem, although it was about Brazil, not Venezuela. (Actually, Bart DOES tend to present a bad example to children, but he generally gets his comeuppance in each episode. What do they want, Billy West screaming at their kids to tell them what lesson they're supposed to be learning?)

Thief breaks into train car filled with ketchup and sprays some of it around. I'm waiting for them to realize that it's actually blood meant to look like ketchup.

German court throws out a lawsuit over a thrown kebab. What, were they out of poppadoms? It's just a shame someone already made the hedgehog joke.

Wild turkeys attack postal workers in Wisconsin. Given the infamy of "going postal", I gather these turkeys are acting on their suicidal instinct.

Norfolk shops stop selling ketchup and eggs to teens to curb food-related vandalism. This would explain why trains of ketchup are being broken into.

Newlywed bride and groom spend their first night in jail after a rowdy wedding party. Yet another reason I refuse to have a wedding, even if it were an option.

Robbers in Malaysia return a few minutes later for a second try at the same restaurant. The scam was that they planned to steal a bit of money the first time, then pretend to be racketeers extorting protection money. Why they thought that might work, I have no idea, but changing clothes before pretending to be someone else might have been a good idea. Next time, they should stick to throwing eggs and ketchup until they get paid.

Casino puts a tanker of gas on the prize block. It'll be awarded in gift certificates, but will those be based on the amount of fuel or on the cost? By the time the winner can use all of that gas, the prize will have depreciated to a fraction of its original value.

Man buys bike trail for $4000, thinking he could build a house there. Poor guy... that's what happens when you don't do the research. Besides, it's near a school, so you wouldn't be allowed to have cigarettes, alcohol, or sweetened foods in your house.
Tags: turkey

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