Why news?

An amusing story about teenagers caught in the act of spraypainting a bridge. I love the part where one of them says he can't put his hands up because he's holding the other one's rope. Priceless.

The next move for Beijing in the build up to the ~~election~~Olympics - put in proper toilets. In the words of Mr. Baseball: "Would somebody come tell me how to take a crap?" Just imagine if Olympic venues were decided in a process like the American presidential elections... all this stuff would be happening in thousands of cities all over the world, but ultimately, it wouldn't improve them at all because they'd just be putting on a show to impress the delegates, then the voters, and finally the electors. Then they could let the cities go back to pot until the next Olympics. Actually... that probably IS how it works.

Kid pees in a lunchbox. Yet another teacher has much to learn.

Techs restore a message that Verizon deleted from a dead woman. The husband likes to listen to it while he caresses the dent in her bed that he keeps starched so it doesn't fade.

Naked man causes about $40,000 worth of damage. It wouldn't be so bad had he worn clothes, but being naked makes that money even more significant... somehow.

Woman stabs man with scissors in an attempt to trade sex for fuel. Sexual favors: Ur doin it wrong.