Drunk guy steals a hearse to go fishing. It makes sense in drunk logic... the fish will be dead when he takes them home, so he'll need an appropriate vehicle.
Robbers fail at three Subway restaurants. Why do they need to steal money, anyway, when they can save so much by buying a six-inch sub for only $2.99? In fact, I'm going to have Subway for lunch.
Rape victim wants to sue her attacker for damages now that he's won the lottery, but it's too late. Like a crime like that EVER goes away.
She stabs her husband with a fork, then ends up pleading no contest to being drunk and disorderly. I'd say it's pretty disorderly, when you STAB someone with a FORK.