Nidoking (nidoking) wrote,

Yay for the Halloween-themed bar! And yay for news!

Man registered as a sex offender for having sex with a bike. Those readers currently wearing expressions that say "How?" are obviously the ones who haven't watched Goldenboy.

Halloween costumes are still banned at Long Beach High School in Long Island because of those girls who dressed up as Captain Underpants. He might have a point... this year, someone could dress as Hillary Clinton.

Woman gets revenge on her ex-boyfriend by posting his wife's profile to adult sites. Pathetic. The BOFH would have used bestiality sites, at least. Or maybe Bike-Humpers Anonymous.

Man found probably having sex with blow-up doll in government building. At least it LOOKS human.

Former court clerk in Minneapolis fixed her own parking tickets. Just like Bloomington cops - they do whatever they want because they're the ones who'd be responsible for enforcing the laws they're breaking. Who watches the watchers?

She got bit on the but-tocks. Stories like that always make me think of Hyper Police. "Ow! You bit my butt!"

A pastor who owes over $11,000 in unpaid traffic tickets solicits $20 donations because "You need me in traffic court!" That's right, we do... but you'll be in front of the bench, not behind it. Besides, you can't pass judgments on your own tickets. Where do you think you are, Minneapolis?

Alabama court annuls a sexless marriage, leaving the husband facing possible deportation. Hey, you want that green card, you've gotta earn it, buddy. Then again, a man who'd rather be deported than have sex? What's up with that?

Scientists tweak worm genes to turn them gay. This could provide evidence that sexual orientation is genetic, or more genetic than has been believed before. But the most important conclusion of the study is that nematodes are in fact real. Caloo-coo-coo!

The President of Indonesia releases an album of love songs and religious tunes. It's the greatest musical achievement since the discovery of Saddam Hussein's unreleased album, "Songs to Torture By." It was just a compilation of Dolly Parton and Backstreet Boys tracks, remixed with a hip-hop beat, but critics say it was very effective at delivering what it promised.

Protesters fight to keep hallucinogenic "magic mushrooms" legal. The protest kicked off with a showing of the first episode of Magical Shopping Arcade Abenobashi. (There... that's three obscure anime references.)

Sarah Jessica Parker named unsexiest woman alive. What? Hey, she's no trouser-dropper, but there are plenty of other women more deserving of that designation. I'd name some, but just thinking about them will have me running to the bathroom to slice my head open and wash my brain.

British man pees on dying or dead woman for a Youtube video. Mental disease can be an unfortunate thing, leading people to believe stuff like this is funny. It IS a bit amusing that the idiot would have the incident filmed, though... they just love providing their own evidence.

Russian man kills 60 people because he wants to be God and decide people's fates. And they think he's sane? Authorities also found a large supply of apples in his room, but when they tried to search his desk drawers, they burst into flame, destroying the contents. Still, I figure he could have been more creative. If he's going to be a Chessboard Killer, he could at least leave chess pieces at the crime scene, or leave transcripts of Bobby Fischer games, or something. Just killing people according to how many squares are on a chessboard is LAME.

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