If all that's keeping you from multiple life sentences is a lack of DNA evidence, don't be a dumbass and bare your dumb ass at the cops.
Minister steals Home Depot gift cards from wedding gift basket. Note to idiot thieves: Traceable items are not the best choice of loot.
Now we're going to learn how a bill becomes law... oh, wait, that's from my porn stash. Maybe a student managed to get his hands on the stick and jack it with nude pictures under his desk... but if that's the case, that guy needs to be more careful with his equipment! Next time, just show them the Schoolhouse Rock video.
Woman won't sell her home to developers, so they just build around her. Remind anyone of the Looney Tunes cartoon where they build a skyscraper with a semicircular niche around Bugs Bunny's rabbit hole?
Thai bank hands out condoms to customers. Seems like a handy way to get them. But how many of them will turn out to be defective?
"We're sorry our toys contained lead paint. Here, have some lead-painted toys as an apology."
Bank teller foils robbery attempt by having nothing but candy. What... out of condoms already?
Middle school bans hugs. Hey, if the kids like each other that much, you'd think you'd want to foster it. Most kids would be at each other's throats... and not giving hickeys.
Finally, a topic that seems needlessly controversial judging by the topic. A man-turned-woman via a sex change operation is suing the IRS over the deduction for the operation. I'll be among those who believe that gender identity disorder is real, even though I'm pretty sure I don't have it - many of my mannerisms may be a bit effeminate, but I've never felt like a woman trapped in a man's body at all. The big question here is whether a sex change operation should be considered a medical procedure primarily to alleviate GID. It makes sense to me, although I think the limits of our medical science aren't enough to really get the job done. I'd say make it deductible as long as there's a diagnosis. Or would the IRS really prefer to have the counseling sessions and hormone treatments deducted for life?