Nidoking (nidoking) wrote,

I am NOT going out with this news.

Woman stabs her husband during sex. Either that's taking the S&M thing a little too far, or this is why you never have sex after serving your wife with divorce papers.

Military vet hit by stray bullet from shooting range. Looks like he left just too early to get his Purple Heart. Bet someone gets him a mockery of one, like a "Pink Heart", as a gag gift.

Brattleboro, Vermont is going nude again. I'll have to remember that name so I can make naked jokes about it in the future, like I do with Rexburg.

Jerusalem woman steals shoes, then tries to exchange them for a pair that fits. They did better... they fitted her for an orange jumpsuit with identification numbers printed on it.

Scientists find a gaping hole in the universe. The hole, nearly one billion light years across and completely devoid of any matter, was discovered inside Fred Phelps' head.

Hugo Chavez offsets Venezuela's clocks half an hour. See? It's just that simple. So why can't Indiana ever get it right?

China bans sex change and plastic surgery on TV. Well, at least SOMEONE recognizes the overall detrimental effect plastic surgery has on culture.

A Canadian study shows that boys learn how to read more effectively from female tutors than male tutors. DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH.

Anyone remember that police detective whose wife served him marijuana meatballs to get him off the force? It worked. Nobody seems willing to believe that she'd do it. You know, some women just STAB their husbands. During sex.

A guy about to go to prison alters a doctor's note to say that he's too sick to serve. The "Paris Hilton" defense just got him another 15 months.

A Malaysian newspaper publishes a picture of Jesus holding a cigarette. Obviously, this is fodder for a Jesus joke, but I'm having trouble thinking past the Dutch Mohammed cartoons. Besides, there's nothing funny about smoking except that Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble did a cigarette commercial once. How's that? Even I, the champion of Jesus-based humor, can't come up with a joke about Jesus smoking. Roll THAT up in paper and smoke it.

Ah, fine, you know I can do it. Those who don't appreciate Jesus jokes might want to stop reading now. "And so it was that Mary Magdalene went to Jesus that day, and found him leaning upon the temple wall, smoking a burning leaf rolled in a small papyrus and wearing dark pieces of glass upon his eyes. 'I've grown concerned for your well-being,' she said unto him. 'It is no concern of yours, narc,' said the son of God. But Mary Magdalene did not heed his words. 'The alchemists have told us that inhaling smoke from the tobacco weed harms the body and makes the breath labored,' she told him. 'Hel-LOOOOOOOO, healing powers!' Jesus replied, taking another puff. Then he did cough mightily. 'It's the paint fumes,' he explained, as he dipped a reed brush into a bottle of red pigment and proceeded to paint a rude word upon the wall."
Tags: brattleboro vermont, possible blasphemy

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