A plane is grounded in Honolulu to catch an escaped squirrel. Fortunately for the passengers, it wasn't a JetBlue flight, so they got free hotel rooms in Hawaii in the bitterest part of winter. Is niiiiiiiiiiiice.
A cat adopts a Rottweiler puppy. She doesn't look too happy, but cats never do.
A cross-dressing lawyer quits the business. Why did the male lawyer wear women's clothes? Because becoming a transvestite was a step up the social ladder!
Talking urinal cakes warn men to stop driving drunk. The possible added bonus is that, in most cases, hearing a urinal cake talk is one of the warning signs that you've had too much to drink anyway.
A Florida teen has been hiccuping for over three weeks. And I thought she was supposed to die after 100 hiccups. Sasami almost did.
British drivers can't get away with speeding merely due to the tiny black border around the edges of the signs. They knew what the speed limit was, even if the signs announcing it were improperly made.
Chinese workers are painting a mountain green. Guys, guys... it's PINK for a Somebody Else's Problem field. So, why did the Chinese workers paint the mountain green? Because it's there. Actually, suspicions are that it's a feng shui thing, which is Chinese for "making suckers spend a lot of money for shoddy decorating".
Arizona schools close due to a Batman sighting. If it had been Michael Jackson, they'd have sent the kids home as well.
Ben & Jerry's introduces "Stephen Colbert's Americone Dream" ice cream. They couldn't have put sherbet in that, too?
A Los Angeles zoo pays a feng shui expert to remodel a habitat for Chinese monkeys. The expert, noting that there are no mountains nearby, recommends painting the La Brea tar pits purple and making Governor Schwarzenegger wear a clown nose.
A man fakes being kidnapped as an excuse to explain why he crashed the family car. He forgot that kidnappings are supposed to be faked BEFORE marriage.
A man in jail for cocaine charges has his aunt bring him a safe with more cocaine in it. At that point, it's not even worth trying to pay the bail. Enjoy your accommodations... you'll be in there for a long time.
Imagine it: A painter accused of stealing a ring from a house he was painting. Then, when the police take him in for questioning, he swallows it in full view of the security cameras. In the end, he admitted to taking the ring but felt he was entitled to it after having had to paint an entire mountain on China's government wages.