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General Education News

A man's cell phone apparently spontaneously ignites in his pants. They're usually pretty safe, but crazy things like this happen. I've heard of defective batteries exploding, but usually while charging, I think.

Criminal defense lawyer celebrates MLKJ Day with a naked teenage girl. He'll probably defend himself.

Two boys escape a juvenile detention facility and take a train for a joyride. It always makes me wonder why they bother with minimum security. It seems like a really stupid system waiting to be exploited.

Car thief asks for money at the home of the head of the Patrolmen's Benevolent Association. Maybe next time, he'll just ask for directions to a bank he can rob.

Thieves steal a Ronald McDonald statue. I give it a week before they contact the owner, begging to be allowed to return it.

Man robs store with pants down; surveillance footage entertains nation. Then he receives stolen goods while fighting the first set of charges. Not good for his case, there, although I think the judge was lenient given that he didn't moon anyone while in court.

His mother told him to get a job or leave the house, so he burned it down. He still doesn't have a job or a house, but he's got a nice prison cell to look forward to. His mother may not be so fortunate... who knows whether the insurance company will pay on her claim?

So desperate to steal that toy from Wal-Mart, they get off a chemical reaction that put four people in the hospital. I hope they ignore the warning labels and choke on the small removable parts.

Athens, Texas or New Haven, Connecticut... which is the true home of the hamburger? Silly people. Everyone knows the hamburger was invented by the Grimace, then stolen by the Hamburglar and served to unsuspecting people by that sneaky Burger King. Elmo tried to beat them to the punch, but got tickled until he had a seizure.

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Yes, I'm THAT Nidoking. Sometimes I write fanfiction... often I waste all my time playing video games and watching anime. But it's not a waste if I enjoy it, right? I can quote from a movie, video game, anime series, or British comedy apropos of just about any situation, and one of my main goals in life is to entertain people. (The other big one is amassing as much anime and manga as I can... see below for a progress report.) That's me in a nutshell. ("Help! I'm trapped in a nutshell! What a bloody great nutshell this is!")

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