Landlord finds the body of a tenant who's been dead for four years in his apartment. Auto-bill-pay: One more tool on the road to making absolutely sure nobody misses you when you're dead.
Man caught urinating in public says he was watering a plant. Well, he probably was. The question is, where's his watering can? Where's his watering can?
Pennsylvania teens make almost 500 obscene calls to 911. The Rexburg police just shrug off that sort of thing, but other departments take it pretty seriously.
Skydiving Elvis breaks pelvis. Too bad he didn't land on a paisley rug.
Arkansas woman shows up to a drunk driving hearing drunk. But she didn't drive there, so it's just contempt or public intoxication, I assume. Then again, it's a pretty familiar story.
Speaking of familiar stories, a woman donates her husband's shirt to Goodwill with $2000 in the pocket. Sometimes, I wonder whether people are digging up these stories and just changing names and dates. But in this version, she gets the money back.
A man is trapped for half an hour in the Ejection Seat when one of the bungee cords breaks. The redundant safety device works as intended and averts injury to the ride's occupant, which is a relieving thought. Maybe it wouldn't be such a stupid idea to ride it sometime.
Man attacks a fire prevention system contractor with a meat cleaver at an Alaskan school, and nobody knows why. I think he's just insane in the brain. We should take it out and examine it. (But we won't put it back when we're done.)