Nidoking (nidoking) wrote,

This news has a "gift"... what are you going to do about it?

Two German women discussing their sex lives over E-mail forward the discussion to the rest of the country. I'm sure there's a lesson to be learned there.

This Indian man has two penises and wants one of them removed. And you'd think he'd take advantage of the obvious tactic of adding their lengths together. I guess he's worried about someone learning about it through E-mail and forwarding it to the rest of India. And despite what you might think, a large portion of India is online... they're all in tech support.

1-800-WESTJET is a sex line number, not the reservation line for the Calgary-based airline WestJet. See, when Canadian companies get crossed with sex lines, it's just a horrible coincidence. I imagine it's because the same digits spell something else... but I can't figure out what with my only slightly impure mind.

Man shoots at firemen for not getting his cat out of a tree. Where did he think he was, Pleasantville? They only showed up because he told them the tree was on fire. If I'd been there, I'd probably have lit a match and said "NOW the tree's on fire. And the cat's bound to come down. Two problems, one solution."

Idiot climbs through a Hardee's drive-thru window armed with a cardboard tube wrapped in black tape. Did he think they'd mistake it for a bazooka?

The guy who flipped off the judge didn't apologize sincerely enough. I called it. Maybe now he can apologize for the shoddy apology.

Another Indiana genius tries to rob a KFC with a screwdriver. He probably left his gun at home by mistake. The good news is that if he doesn't flip off the judge, he can get off easy.

I'm not sure exactly what's happening here, but two women scam another woman out of $145,000 using a Satanic(-style) ritual. "Give us the money or we'll drink more rooster blood!" I don't get it. I guess it's a "fear of God" thing.

A Chinese woman is caught smuggling heroin-soaked panties. Not quite as disturbing as some things I've read this morning, but it leads me to wonder how exactly one ingests the heroin from the panties. And is it removed first, or is that part of the packaging?

Man gets trapped waist-deep in chocolate. The most disturbing thing about that story is the thought that he apparently placed his weight on the vat on purpose, to push the chocolate through the machinery. Is this how food-handling professionals are trained?

Mannequin attacks woman. No, really. That's what happens when you try to strip one without asking permission, or at least taking it to a more private location.

You're not allowed to sleep near poop in Las Vegas. Arale would be so disappointed.

PETA is pissed at a woman who dances with a dead pig. The art world is probably pissed because she calls it art, although a few of them have been known to leave faucets running and call THAT art. We're all waiting for the firebombing to start. Then we can all enjoy the pig roast.
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