Nidoking (nidoking) wrote,

I get back the news that shouldn't be gone

I still have no idea what the police were doing last night at BW3's... I heard about some drug busts on the radio this morning, but the paper says they were early Tuesday. But there is exciting news on the "everyone's already heard this one" front... the battery in my work computer is one of the recalled ones! So I'm now the owner of an explosive device. Dan was hoping that the lab computer's dead battery fit under the recall, but it doesn't.

A Nebraska man earns his 226th arrest. They're trying to convince THIS judge to consider him a habitual offender, unlike the 225 before him. In my ideal world, nobody will ever be convicted more than ten times... and I'm being lenient here.

Thieves steal a church's kitchen sink. Do they think it flows with holy water or something? Or were they trying to steal the cleanliness next to godliness?

Naked man attacks a police officer. I don't have anything funny to say about this one. It just didn't seem like we were seeing enough nudity recently.

Rumors of Bigfoot have been greatly exaggerated. By which I mean "completely made up".

The Netherlands and Indonesia are setting up an online dating service for orangutans. No, honestly. They don't have plans for actually bringing them together to mate, but they can feed each other by pressing buttons. And if one doesn't push the other's buttons right, they can watch that nasty bitch monkey starve to death. Just like a real dating service!

Sinkhole swallows part of a guy's house, including his car. It could just be really bad construction. Could have been much worse... it could have taken his bathroom while he was using it.

Hit-and-runs at McDonald's. So if you cut someone in line at a fast food place, watch out for angry drivers on your way out.

A pregnant woman loses control of her car during a contraction and gives birth with her car half-submerged in a canal. The baby seems to be doing fine, except that her name is Myracle. The mother's leg was broken; I suspect the baby did it after hearing her new name.

Wisconsin residents take a five-minute detour around construction, skipping the 50-mile official detour. I've seen some road closings like that here and wish there were shorter routes... not that the "official" detours were on roads large enough to support traffic in more than one direction. Those roads should be condemned.

Speaking of condemned roads and bad traffic patterns, Washington's anti-tailgating policy has been scrapped because of some nasty logic holes. The premise seems sound at first glance: White dots on the road show the safe following distance, and cars are advised to leave two dots of space between themselves and the next car. But many of them don't close those gaps when traffic slows down or stops. Next time, just warn drivers to count off two seconds. (Also, the gaps need to be longer in rain or snow... did they put that on the signs?)

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