The weight-loss lawn-mowing guy has a partner. He's losing weight, and he's losing weight, but the two of them are losing more weight than both put together! Nah... doesn't work that way.
Berserk guard dog chews up Elvis's old teddy bear. Conspiracy theorists, many of them likely members of the Flat Earth Society, believe that Elvis will be very upset when he finds out. He'll tell that Doberman that it ain't nothing but a hound dog.
A film crew in India can't film a bathroom scene because the automatic toilets keep flushing. I wonder how noticeable it would be if they just taped over the sensors.
Speaking of industriousness in India, they're hiring langur handlers to scare monkeys away from the trains. Now people only have to worry about the langurs going crazy and biting the heads off teddy bears.
A Girl Scout leader steals $5000 from her troop. And they thought Boy Scout leaders were bad for turning out to be homosexuals.