Nidoking (nidoking) wrote,

Cheese (part 1)

I can't say I hate having my picture taken. It always comes out looking stupid, but that's a problem with me, not the picture-taking process or any of the equipment. But if people want to have goofy pictures of me, I'm not going to stop them. It's also handy to have them for IDs. But I don't really like it. If I did, I'd shave and get my hair cut more often... like, ever. But people still look at the picture and tell me I'm handsome. Okay... what standards are you guys using here? It makes no sense! Actually, I think the big problem is my smile. It looks unnatural. Probably because it is. There are only a few contexts in which the photographer will tell you to "look really annoyed and say 'broccoli'!" Or "stick out your tongue, roll your eyes and say 'middle management'!" No, you're always smiling and always saying "cheese". I think that's the stupidest way to force a smile ever. Who decided that that was the type of smile that people everywhere should be displaying in the pictures that will immortalize them? I tell you, if we had cameras in the late 18th century, George Washington's face wouldn't be on our currency, because everybody would be ashamed of his goofy "cheese" smile. It really is cheesy. "We had a president who looked like THAT? And what are those teeth made out of? Wood?" Did they ever say "Now smile and say 'cheeeeeeeese' for the next three days while I paint your portrait"? I don't think so. By the time the painter got to the face, the model was so tired it was all he could to to keep a straight face. That's the way to be immortalized - showing all the frailty of the human form and the weariness of existence. Or in my case, with glasses thick enough to distort ALL the light from around my face so it just shows up as a black blur on film. I know I don't look good in pictures, but I don't look at pictures of myself anyway. Overwrite the one picture I have of myself with Rosie O'Donnell and I'll be telling people for years that that's what I look like. I guess that's a little farfetched... I have more facial hair and less face.

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