Nidoking (nidoking) wrote,

Today's Bridge: A 1NT-2C-5C auction usually spells disaster, but they won anyway with a climactic 1S hand. Even a bad spade split couldn't stop them. I don't think we'd have made 2C, but we'd have had a chance.

So I've got this PAID stamp on my hand, which apparently means that I've been duly paid for. My master says we're going to Mississippi next week, and I'm really looking forward to it. I may never take another trip again! Actually, despite the pounding rain that cut visibility to almost nothing, but strangely only fell when I was driving (and when it gave us brownouts while I was on the computer), we made it to Bear's Comedy Club and saw a great show. First up was Johnny Watson, who regaled us with jokes about the people in the front row (including sakanagai) and his Chris Rock impression, which was amazing. Then came Greg Morton, with impressions of absolutely everyone else. He did the entire cast of Star Wars, followed by an extension of that Saturday Night Live sketch with the rejected comedians who tried out for Star Wars. Gilbert Gottfried as Obi-Wan Kenobi was so hilarious. "These are not the droids you're looking for! No, really! These aren't the droids you're looking for! Is there a sign that says 'These are the droids you're looking for'?" Then he did Lord of the Rings, and there was a great montage of 80s musicians, which was only thrown off a bit when he got stuck in a costume change. During Greg's act, he talked about discipline, and sakanagai said he got beaten all the time. His defense? "I just couldn't stop setting the pets on fire." Greg played him for a few more lines, but unfortunately, his wit had let down its guard. "What kind of pets were they?" "I don't know. They were all in my mind." So he got nicknamed "Psycho Boy", which quickly became "Pyro Boy". And the stride was lost, so Greg gave us all a piece of advice: If you don't like having the comedian talk to you, mention burning pets. That'll stop them dead in their tracks. So when I had to run to the bathroom and slide back under the railing, he asked "What are you doing there? Are you some kind of commando?" I saluted him and said "My brother burns pets! What are you making fun of ME for?" And he congratulated me on remembering his advice. But I got to shake his hand afterward and point out the scary facts: Pyro Boy lives in my basement, and I've finally learned what it was he did all those times I set him on fire. He passed it on to the pets. Johnny Watson (who doesn't seem to have an IMDb or Wikipedia entry, despite having been in Dodgeball and Saturday Night Live) was selling autographed DVDs after the show, so I shook his hand and bought a DVD and said "Yeah, my brother's a mathematician who burns pets, but I went the smart route. I'm a computer programmer." He is in awe of our smartitude. And I will be known for all time as Brother of Pyro Boy. And my faithful sidekick is... PYRO BOY! I still don't think it works in that order, but we'll see. I think Pyro Boy, or Psycho Boy, could be a viable character for the MST3K remake. But I want to be careful about giving the characters defined personalities that stand out too much. We could have "the guy who burned pets as a kid", but that's a characteristic, not a character. Anyway, the show was great, and with a $5 cover charge plus food that was pretty good (and a decent selection thereof), it's something we can probably do more than the occasional Monday. And I'll be in the front row, hoping to see if I can really match wits with professional comedians without stealing the show.

Oh, I worked today too. I finally looked up the coordinate system we're using, to get a feel for what it is and why our conversion comes out three seconds and one second off when receiving, but four minutes off and three and a half DEGREES off when transmitting. I helped the intern (Keith of occasional Bridge table fame) get up and running as a member of the project team, and I'm sure I did something else productive as well, but it's probably not important right now.

And to tie two parts of Greg Morton's act together... he was confused about the purpose of chocolate soap. Well, that's an easy one. It's so kids can take the initiative to wash their own mouths out when they swear. Parents are happy because their kids are learning a lesson, and the kids are happy because - fuck this shit, where's the chocolate soap?

I have shaken the hands of comedians tonight. My plan is proceeding well.

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