Bill Gates doesn't want to be the world's richest man. Um, dude... I will TOTALLY solve that problem for you. All it takes is one final signature, preferably on a check with my name in the "Pay to the order of" blank and a lot of money in the amount section.
A giant premature baby. Well, maybe not GIANT giant, but it seems to be pretty big. That would make it recognizable in the event that the baby's grandmother delivers the baby to the wrong address. Old people can be dangerous.
A woman in Mishawaka eats a sandwich with a razor blade in it, proving once again that Indiana has some of the weirdest city names ever.
A guy celebrates his release from jail by being arrested again. Good old Ogden Dunes, Indiana. MishaWAKA. MiSHAwaka.
A picky family gets kicked out of a Chinese buffet for wasting food. Right on! I can't believe people think they can fill up plates, not eat the food, go back for more, and get away with it.
A wanted woman hides in the dryer. She might have remained hidden had she not tried to be clever and steer them further astray by making dryer noises. "Whooooooooooooooooom... I'm laundry in a dryer..."
Here's a German company that specializes in giant shoes. They make shoes for the world's 10 tallest people for free. Yao!
This guy makes a big show of cutting in line while people enjoy the biggest gas promotion ever, then gets caught with pot in his car. "No need to pay attention to me, everyone! I'm completely inconspicuous! Hey, doesn't anybody out there notice how inconspicuous I am?"
Two votes could have swung this election, and this candidate's two sons didn't vote. I'm actually almost glad... anyone who doesn't vote shouldn't, says I. But we got into that during the build-up to the last election, and while I lost "friends" over it, I stand by my principles of not having principles.
If only someone paid mothers for their work, they'd be rich. You know what we say to that study? If any mother demands to be paid for her child-rearing work, we say "Okay. We'll just take the kid off your hands and you won't have to do the work anymore." Harsh words, I know, but the world doesn't work like that. The only people who want anyone to have kids are parents, I'm pretty sure. The world and our society discourage having children, and I"m not entirely against that idea. Let's all die out! Actually, I don't know what I think anymore. Nor does anyone else. Too many mixed messages about having kids. I'm going to go do some work now.
Hey, it's almost lunchtime.