A chef stabs a waiter who complains about a rotten tomato. Here's the punchline: "It's a good thing he didn't tell him about the dirty fork!"
Courthouse metal detectors are sensitive enough to pick up underwire bras, and the male guards seem to enjoy wanding the women. (At least they're not using their WiiWands.) I think they're right... it may well be on purpose. So wouldn't not wearing bras with underwires be the obvious solution? Ladies, I clearly don't get it. Tell me why a woman can't go without her underwires.
A man tries to smuggle in contraband food from Mexico in a diaper. I suppose he planned to eat it afterward... probably a good thing for him that he didn't make it.
A woman wants a cat put to death because it attacked her. Hello! That's what cats DO.
A New Jersey family has two sets of triplets in three years. They're not octuplets, but that's a lot of babies.
A church bell was stolen from a backyard. This will require Musashi to learn to walk on water so he can drop into the well and retrieve it.
A guy kills a dog by putting it through the washing machine. Apparently, he's been kidnapping other dogs as well.
A man is arrested when his safe full of kiddy porn is stolen and turned in. I'm going to assume he didn't report it stolen.
A lawmaker rides a golf cart to work. I wonder where, exactly, he does this "work".
A bank robber who dressed as a witch and vanished in a puff of smoke got 13 years in prison. What a lucky number.
A 14-year-old high school graduate turns down a full scholarship from a Maine university because they don't let her stay in a dorm. I wonder how she'd feel about that if she read a series about dorm life like Beauty is the Beast or Here is Greenwood.
More college professors are banning laptops in their classrooms. I still think it's the business of the students if they don't want to pay attention. And how are they expected to take notes? Pencil and paper is just as much of a distraction as a computer. I can't write while making eye contact. Can you?