Nidoking (nidoking) wrote,

Toothless beaver recuperates from car accident in the hospital. As expected, it has to be force-fed, because no creature on Earth recognizes hospital food as edible.

A would-be terrorist tries to hire a hitman from his jail cell. His brother, the only one of the five targets who was to be left alive, says he's fine after having been treated... I'm going to say doubtful.

School toilets in Abilene stop working. The students have to be bussed in shifts to nearby schools with working toilets. I don't think I'd have lasted that long.

Do I hear a duck? This doctor claims to be able to telepathically rewind your body in time to return to the state before whatever injury you want healed. It works because it's called "Bahlaqeem", which is nine letters long and sounds like some sort of snack food. The best part is that, because the patient doesn't actually need to go to the doctor's office, he can continue carrying out the treatments from the confines of his straitjacket.

Bush refers to an immigration bill as an "energy" bill. He quickly corrected himself, because he hadn't intended to give away his strategy of using illegal immigrants as an alternative fuel source this early in the game.

A chemist is working on chameleon-style clothing that can change color based on electrical impulses. No, I'm serious... he's using colored threads to generate RGB pixels and making a fabric that effectively functions like a CRT. Possible applications include "mood ring" clothing and partial invisibility by mimicking the surroundings. Now, what to do about waterproofing it?

An Australian Mint worker stole a fortune in $2 coins by hiding them in his boots and lunchbox. So they don't make the workers go through metal detectors on their way out? Actually, I wonder whether they'd ever catch a worker who swiped money from the production line and put it right into the vending machines. There's a clever way to stretch your funds.

The Canadian bomb squad responds to a live anti-aircraft shell donated to a thrift store. It'd probably been used as a paperweight, eh?

A pair of gay ducks in Sweden. So what are the "homosexuality isn't NATURAL" people saying about this?

New GPS technology will allow parents to monitor when their children are close to the homes of known sexual predators. I think we all know how I feel about all these measures people are taking with respect to sexual predators... as much as those people are by and large the scum of the Earth, we're giving up on them, which most people seem to loathe the very idea of. And with every protective measure that comes out, parents assume less responsibility for the things THEY can do to keep their children safe (like not letting them run around in banks), and look to the government to do it for them. And this latest technology is useless when those sexual predators leave the confines of their homes, like to go shopping or see a movie or go to the park and picture children naked. Or are we going to fit them all with GPS devices of their own?

An artist whines because people threw away her eggshell sculpture. Here's a hint: Make art out of things that aren't garbage. If it looks enough like garbage that people throw it away, maybe it's the artist who needs to learn what "art" is. And turn off your faucet already!

Students looking to get into their high school prom will have one more test to pass - a blood alcohol test.

An Eva Longoria magazine cover big enough to be seen from the air over Las Vegas. It's probably a movie promotion for her starring role in the remake of "The 50-Foot Woman".

A man dissatisfied with his penis enlargement mailed a bomb to the plastic surgeon, then arranged to have it defused. He pleaded guilty to weapons of mass destruction, which sounds to me like the authorities taking advantage of his guilt. Of course, the article doesn't describe what type of bomb it was.

Were-rabbit attacks real-life veg in Felton, England. Publicity stunt for a well-timed sequel?

MIT researchers are using viruses to build tiny batteries. They're currently working under pressure from the greatest threat to their research, Dr. Mario.

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