Nidoking (nidoking) wrote,

Here's what happened to yesterday's news.

Today's "Oops of the Week" award goes to the surgeons who cut the wrong side of a child's skull open. Having watched the Roofi episode of The Simpsons yesterday, I'm picturing him singing a song about left and right while Dr. Nick goes "Where's the tumor? Oh, there it is! I see it peeking out on the other side of this big gray blobby thing. Okay, let's glue the skull back together and try again. I think maybe we need to cut a little more... that-a-way. Wait, maybe more this-a-way. Eh, you know what? Let's just cut the whole thing off and make it easier on everybody!" Stay tuned for tomorrow's "Oops of the Week", a pilot who lands at the wrong airport.

Possibly the smallest cat in the world. At least it doesn't look like a mouse. The bad news is that if it ever gets stuck in the wall of a building under construction, it might not be noticed even if it waves its paw through a hole. And we all know how much cats love to get stuck in tight spaces. They hate BEING stuck in tight places, but that's never stopped them from going in. A kidnapped bird in a trash dumpster had more luck calling for help.

Indians still fear calls from the devil on their cell phones. To be fair, we're talking about a country where it was commonly believed that the solar eclipse would cause food to spoil, fetuses to become deformed, and people holding sharp objects to cut themselves. Heck, they probably thought Scream was a documentary of a famous murder case.

A Las Vegas ambulance provider invests in a bariatric ambulance for obese patients. The only downside is that, before dispatching an ambulance, 911 dispatchers will now need to ask for the patient's approximate weight or size. Just imagine the conversations. "So, this heart attack victim... how many pork rolls do you think he eats in a sitting?" It's especially problematic if the drivers can't find the address because the street signs are misspelled.

School won't let a mohawked student attend. There's freedom of expression, and then there are the rules, like the dress code. I always wonder in cases like this... what, exactly, is the student trying to express with that hairdo? "I have no fashion sense and want the world to know it!" "Watch me 'stick it to the man' by making myself look like a punk!" "I can't afford a barber, so I just shave off everything I can reach!" "I am the hair gel industry's bitch!"

Thieves steal more L'Oreal face cream than anyone could possibly have a use for. It's almost enough to make Paris Hilton look good.

Two fetuses grow inside a girl while she's still in the womb. I would love to see anti-abortionists get up in arms over this subject. I think it would be funny to watch the campaign unfold.

New Orleans auctions off the flooded school buses to fund its schools. Yes, the famous flooded school buses. If nothing else, sketch comedy shows will probably snap them up and start using them as props as Katrina jokes come back into vogue. Meanwhile, New Orleans officials are already planning for their next big crisis: Getting their funding and increasing enrollment at their schools, only to realize that they've just sold all their buses.

Man suffocates his wife with an Easter Bunny-shaped plate. Where was the CPSC on this one? Who checks plates for choking hazards?

A law professor bans laptops in her class. Apparently, she feels that taking notes is distracting the students from her lecture. The students think her credentials are distracting her from her own technophobia.

Anyone remember that judge way back when who had 11 people arrested for following directions that led them to the wrong courtroom? Now he's blaming it on ADHD. Because ignoring the people around you and being a jerk are totally symptoms of ADHD. We could probably all get away with breaking a lot of laws if we could use mental conditions as an excuse.

College student camps in Wal-Mart for 41 hours. It was supposed to be a week-long stay over spring break as research for a magazine article, but he didn't last. However, he's still got an article, this time about how much media attention his stunt got. And as always, I refuse to be a part of spreading his story.

Dog brings home a "severed hand" that causes a lot of uproar until it turns out to be a lion's paw. Not even a monkey's paw... Bones wouldn't have been fooled.

San Fran man hands in $1 million in jewelry he found on a park bench. That's the last time the Canadian woman will let her husband carry her purse.

A kindergarten student brings a gun to school. His parents were found not to be negligent in how they stored the gun (out of reach and without ammunition - the kid used a chair to climb onto the laundry machines), but the child has been expelled for ten days. Isn't that called a suspension?

The makers of Alka-Seltzer establish a world record with a 510-dish buffet. It will soon be followed by record sales for Bayer's line of Alka-Seltzer products, now proudly 75 years old.

Three children in this family share a birthday, but not a birth year. Didn't I feature this same story last year?

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