Nidoking (nidoking) wrote,

All the news that's fit to make fun of

"Officer, I think that guy sold me fake crack. Can you check it to make sure it's the real thing?" It was the real thing.

I saw this one on the news Monday night. A cat survives an 80-foot fall from a tree with no major injuries. The question is why it took rescuers eight days to show up.

A baseball player hired to play on a Florida correctional facility baseball team has to repay his wages and perform community service. As the spokesman in the article says, it's a sad state when even government institutions get so caught up in sports that they cheat or break laws. But if that weren't the case, we'd never have had The Longest Yard.

Pittsburgh police shut down city streets to hunt a pellet gun sniper. They're later dismayed to learn that the sniper was just a story their daddies made up to give them a camping adventure they'd never forget.

If we think it's bad when Americans (especially prominent doctors in human reasoning who should know better) fall for scams mainly based out of Africa, wait until you see what the Africans will fall for. This woman paid $30,000 to provide mermaids with a room at a hotel so that a bull's weiner would point the way to her stolen car. Someone out there actually believed it would work. Think about that slowly and carefully. A woman who somehow managed to obtain a large amount of money decided to put mythological creatures in a hotel room because she believed it would make a bull's man-parts stand up and show her where her missing car was. Naturally, the car was located inside a cow, but what confused everyone was the route it apparently took to get in there.

A man dressed as a woman robs a gas station. Note to transvestite criminals... shaving helps the disguise work.

Arrested for being burglarized? Why not, when the burglars were trying to steal the hair salon's marijuana stash?

Newark teacher gets probation for mocking a hanging with a fake noose around a student's neck. Even if he's telling the truth about never having put the noose around the kid's neck, it still sounds dangerous.

Man and friends try and fail to move into Katharine Hepburn's old house. Maybe they thought she was on Holiday, but the African Queen wasn't singing their Song of Love. She said "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner" before putting on The Iron Petticoat and taking a Long Day's Journey Into Night. It was a pretty famous house, too... Laura Lansing slept there. (No, I don't actually know any Katharine Hepburn movies.)

You remember when you were a kid, and always wondered what it would be like to pull the fire alarm? You know you did. But the adults would always tell you (or, for those of us young enough, show you a video with the same message) that, while the firemen were responding to your false alarm, another building somewhere would burn down. Well, the building that burned down was the fire station itself. I've never been all the way to Fort Branch myself, but it's probably not too far from someplace I've lived or worked. Now aren't you glad you didn't pull that alarm?

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