Nidoking (nidoking) wrote,

One day's worth of news to fill two

Maybe it's a good thing I didn't do a news post yesterday, because this is all that's there to be told. Indeed, nothing else happened in the world at all. Definitely not a munitions explosion or anything like that.

Annapolis residents burned socks to celebrate the first day of spring, as a symbol that it will soon be warm enough to go without socks. Yesterday, everyone went outside shivering and shouting "Where's my SOCKS! It's freezing out here! Somebody tell me what happened to my SOCKS!" sockschan is probably unavailable for comment, but I'll go out on a limb and venture that she doesn't want to be burned either.

Mama Lena's Pizza House in Philly is looking to break the world record for the largest commercially available pizza. $99 for 150 slices... that's a real party pack.

Ohio woman bites off her boyfriend's tongue. Looks like he forgot the code word, "fat bitch".

Fairfax teacher gives pot to student. I never even got a pot in home ec.

A flower shop is on "sale" for $100 and an essay. Actually, it's a contest... for a $100 entry fee, you can submit an essay on why you want to own a flower shop. Winner take all. They're already halfway to their 1000-entry goal.

This woman gave away her garden gnomes to prevent the city from taking them for tax evasion. Let's recap the facts, shall we? She still owes taxes, she's still going to prison if she doesn't pay, she got rid of what little bargaining material she had, and she still doesn't get to keep the gnomes no matter what. Some people just plain don't think.

That guy who leaves taps running in England plans to strike again. Look, buddy... that's not art. Not even close. Hey, I forgot to lock my front door this morning! It must be a protest against the ineffectiveness of the police at making my neighborhood safe! Look, everybody! I'm an artist too! Seriously, if you want to know just how irresponsible this guy is, read his quote: "I understand we are in a drought. But I am an artist so I'm not actually wasting water for nothing." Ah, yes. Artistic immunity. I wonder if it would work in other walks of life. "I didn't pay my taxes, but I'm an artist, so I'm not hoarding money for nothing." "I drove my car into your house, but I'm an artist, so I didn't destroy your property for nothing." "I killed a man, but I'm an artist, so he didn't sacrifice his life for nothing." "I made kiddie porn, but I'm an artist, so I didn't sexually molest those children for nothing."

You know how it's funny when someone's clinging to the bottom of a car while it drives down a highway, like Sideshow Bob did? This guy did it, and I don't think he's laughing.

Man cuts off his wife's head and brings it to the gas station. No doubt their daughters are scarred for life. But he's probably an artist, which would make it okay.

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