A baby girl is rescued from a plastic bag floating on a lake in Brazil. Reports say that the mother, or the homeless people she claimed to have given the baby to, packed her with a wooden board that kept her afloat. They probably just put it in there so she'd have something to play with.
Members of the famous 82nd Airborne Division are said to have appeared on a gay porn website. This is apparently problematic, because while in the military, people are allowed to be gay only as long as they don't ACT gay. So I guess a pair of rainbow pants and a big smile are all that's needed to get a discharge if you're drafted. Possibly useful information.
Fake braces are a new fashion in Thailand. I can't even begin to comprehend it. I was concerned about being made fun of way back when I first got my glasses!
Florida dad punches the teacher's aide who was accused of inappropriately touching his daughter. Yes, you have to protect your daughter. Being stuck in jail while she's out there in a dangerous world seems like a reasonable way to do that until you stop being a moron and think about it.
The Italian premier swears off sex until elections. Apparently, this is a vote-gaining measure of some kind. The reality is that he knows he can't get any and figures he may as well make something out of it. His wife probably said she's holding out on him until he gets re-elected.
Washington, PA will be known as Steeler, PA all week. I think it's a hockey thing or something. The Post Office doesn't recognize the name change, but we don't know why. After all, the state doesn't have any problem with this guy signing his name "God".
Yale University finally supplies soap for its students. In a quid pro quo, students agree to use it.
Zimbabwean twins, arrested for wearing skimpy loincloths in public, show up to court wearing the same thing.
A bounty hunter, searching for a woman who left an old address, breaks into a police officer's home. It's a tough life full of jazz riffs.
A bloodmobile driver is charged with drunk driving. Fortunately, she had plenty of samples to bypass the BAC test.