Nidoking (nidoking) wrote,
Nidoking
nidoking

News you may not want to know about, but I'll tell you anyway

I remember when the topics of my news posts actually seemed clever.

A couple finds a stoned owl in their Christmas tree. I just had a silly thought. Could drug users who are stoned pass a drug test by using Soft on themselves?

*SMACK!*

Another drunk driver slips his handcuffs and drives off in the police cruiser. I'm just not sure handcuffs are enough anymore. Everybody and their brother can get out of them.

Santas go on a rampage in New Zealand. It's pretty much like the deer stampedes, only with fat drunk guys in red suits and beards.

"A ticket for parking in a handicapped space? That's a steep fine. Fortunately, I know the fine for general parking in a no-parking zone. I'll just cross this out and write that one in, and they'll never know the difference." Unfortunately for Moron (name changed to mock William S. Shufro), the police do keep track of the tickets they write (Surprise!), and now he's got a felony forgery charge. His response? "It's just a parking violation." WAS, Moron. WAS a parking violation.

A restaurant owner in Tokyo dumped a bunch of dog heads in the detention center moat. Yes, the dogs were imported for food. Yes, he may get off with a littering charge. But it's Japan, not the U.S.. I hear their courts are tougher.

Big-time Muncie marijuana dealer is caught with a water heater full of the stuff. I only mention that because it's in Indiana... it's entirely too commonplace to be unusual.

Two young Berlin women get drunk and give a train of concentration camp tourists the Nazi salute while singing "White Aryan Resistance". I wish I were making this up. On a lighter note, I wonder what would happen if someone created a comic about the adventures of Samus Aryan.

Los Angeles unveils a system to let people anonymously warn their casual sex partners that they might have an STD. That would make a great parody headline about three years ago. Maybe it did, and that's where they got the idea.

A guy stops to help a family whose SUV turned over, and his truck is stolen. Even if it is an emergency, turn your car off and take the key when you leave. It's a few extra seconds that will save a lot of hassle. Also, SUVs seem to flip over easily. Insert apropos joke here.

A Finn in Norway is known for racking up unpaid fines as quickly as he sheds clothing. If he gives someone the Nazi salute, I think he'll be breaking every indecency record there is.
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