Nidoking (nidoking) wrote,

Early news

I'm amazed that I managed to be awake and on the road as early as I was. It's almost as if today were a normal day.

Florida resident displays a hanged, blindfolded Santa. Neighbors have called police about it, but fortunately, the police refuse to overstep their boundaries. Not that I think Santa deserves hanging, but at least this might take people's minds off Paris Hilton.

Putting a cat in a refrigerator to keep it safe may seem like a good idea to a 4-year-old. The fact that the cat remained safe after 4 weeks in the refrigerator is pretty amazing. Naturally, it lost 7 pounds while it was in there. Had he been a skinny shrimp of a cat, he wouldn't have lasted. So the next time you decide to look down on someone who weighs more than you do, just remember: If the two of you were ever trapped somewhere without food or water, which one would live longer?

A miniature golf course theme park in San Jose was listed as one of America's most appealing terrorist targets. The terrorists not only hate our religious freedom and our ostentatious indulgences, but also our par 3 right doglegs with a sand trap on the right and a windmill right in the middle of the green. And I expect that Chuck E. Cheese hasn't made it on the list yet... possibly another mistake.

Woman bites off part of an officer's finger. She's probably not the same woman who climbed over the barrier near a lion's cage to pick flowers and got her finger eaten. Neither finger was reattachable... fortunately for the second woman.

This isn't a French joke, but I'm sure some people will make one anyway. A Frenchman drives the wrong way on a highway for 11 miles, crashing into several cars along the way. The sobriety test was clean, so nobody's figured out why he was going the wrong way and why he didn't just turn around when he saw every car on the road going the opposite direction. At least he wasn't driving a stolen tractor-trailer.

Dogs are laughing at us when they pant. Well, maybe not AT us, but not necessarily WITH us. The panting sound seems to calm down other dogs, which could be a useful application in the future. Who knows what it will mean for guard dog technology, though?

We had Child Protection Services making up hurricane victims yesterday, but this guy made up a tsunami victim and nobody knows why. He picked his non-daughter's name based on an 80's song about a girl named Kayleigh. If only he'd said she was Jenny, and her phone number was 867-5309, this would all have been over long ago.

Single Boise parents can get free gas at a Chevron station thanks to Mission Media. It's a noble gesture. Now we sit back and wait for the customer suckage when the free gas runs out and the entitlement bitches start pouring in. With their kids, obviously. Who were already promised presents that they now won't get because they can't have the free gas they were OMG PROMISSED and what's Chevron going to do about it, huh? I'll call the police and your manager and demand you be fired! (How'd I do?)

Criminals are turning themselves in to get free holiday dinners in jail. I hope they don't realize that they can't just walk back out once they've eaten.

Grocery store customers and managers harrass a robber and follow him as he tries to hide. At least he'll be somewhere with a free holiday dinner.

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