Today's Traffic: An accident shut down the only highway from where I live to the base this morning, so all that traffic in both directions was redirected to a tiny road with two one-lane segments. The good news is that my direction got there first.
Dutch witches claim witchcraft course costs as tax deductions. I wonder how many of them claim to study at Hogwarts. Ten bucks says it's not zero. Yes, I realize I'd then be out the ten bucks.
Connecticut bans Seriously Bad Elf beer because it has Santa Claus on the label. This will no doubt entice kids to buy beer because they want to see Santa get shot down by a bad elf.
The naked photographer gets jail time and may lose his bar license. And to make sure we're clear, it was in fact the photographer and not his subjects who was naked.
A retelling of the legend of the Jack O' Lantern suggests that turnips were the original vegetable of choice. They're only rude if you sit on one.
Cops arrest a 15-year-old ninja. Not a Naruto cosplayer, oddly... but he was promoting a costume shop. Guess they picked the wrong costume to show off.
No Jesus picture or haunting spirit or anything. An ordinary cup of tea sells on eBay for £12.50. Guess Arthur Dent has finally found eCommerce. So have the hurricane refugess who are selling disaster relief MREs on eBay. You know how it works... some people need the food and are grateful for the assistance, while others take the handouts they're "entitled" to and profit from them. So who out there is BUYING those things? And why?
Former nun awarded $15,000 in damages from a kiss. That's an expensive smooch... even for French.
Pair of morons steal Halloween props from a display outside the Fraternal Order of Police Lodge. They claim they thought they were garbage. Right... everyone artfully arranges their garbage to spooky effect and throws away their decorations right BEFORE the season they're for.
Yet another government office phone number is listed as a phone sex line. This is a slightly different story than all the other ones, though. This time, the office changed numbers, and the phone sex line bought the old one. The listings just failed to change accordingly.
Crook robs a vet's office, then falls asleep in his own office next door.
New York starts to smell like maple syrup; citizens are alarmed. They feel better when the sewage, puke, and smoke smells return to normal.
Woman buys winning lottery ticket with deceased relative's credit card. Obviously, if theft charges stick, she won't get to keep the money. This guy who missed his mommy robbed a bank and shot at police from his car. There's always the possibility of dating older women.
Fake undercover cop scores a date, followed by an arrest. Wonder what he'll do for the second date.
Anyone remember that Budweiser employee who was fired for drinking a Coors off the clock? His wrongful termination lawsuit has been dismissed at his lawyer's request.
Tom Dick (no Harry) recovers his lost wedding band from a sewer.
A would-be insurance fraudster escapes from the back of a police cruiser wearing handcuffs. Another story that sounds familiar but is a new instance. The theft of the handcuffs has been added to his charges.
The North Penn School District has finally stopped washing and reusing plastic cutlery. Has anyone asked why a school district would stoop to washing plastic dishware to cut costs? And what are the students doing for money? This male teacher had male students do his chores for extra "tips" if they went topless or didn't wear underwear. His attorney fails to see how that constitutes "corruption of minors", and I think he may have a point. IS it a crime to pay underaged boys to take off their shirts? I sure hope so.
Man steals quarters from his girlfriend's grandfather's closet. $1500 worth... that's a lot of change. His bail is set at $2000. No word on whether he plans to pay it in quarters.
Former bar owner gets four years for the alcohol poisoning death of a woman who participated in the "Stoplight Challenge", where she drank a red, yellow, and green drink and tried to stay coherent afterward. She didn't even manage to stay alive. So what ever happened to consumer responsibility? I think that's even more important when alcohol is involved. So does Darwin. So there.