Nidoking (nidoking) wrote,

I'm Nidoking, and this is news to me.

Hmmm... I'm at work today because I don't have any sick leave left, and in fact, I didn't really have any last time I was sick, either. But an enterprising (and stupid) stewardess managed to find a different way of getting the day off work - she phoned in a bomb threat. Well, she got the day off, all right, as well as a whole bunch of other days to come. For that, she could have just punched out a window of the plane in mid-flight. Those outer panes sure are strong.

Bigheads attend a Bigfoot conference. Actually, I'm not sure "bighead" is much of an insult. In fact, I'm pretty sure it doesn't mean anything at all. Honestly, I'm not against the idea of a new species like existing... I just don't see why so many people care. Do they think it's going to be something like Harry and the Hendersons? Just wait until they DO observe and catalog the new species, and everyone has to complain anyway because they could have sworn it was going to turn out to have supernatural powers. Tell you what... someone should nominate Bigfoot for city council of Oakley, Idaho, because no humans are interested in the position, and a no-candidate election is fast approaching.

A woman with no income faces $4000 in fines for not filing her taxes. Now, don't you wish the fine was a percentage of the return? She actually does owe $1.16 in actual taxes, somehow.

A woman is recovering from a blow to the head by a bottle that fell 13 stories. Says Dr. Greg House, "She's just going to have to suck it up. If the Bushmen in 'The Gods Must Be Crazy' could survive being hit on the head with a magic bottle, surely she can pull through."

Kansas police break into the Kansas home of an elderly Kansas couple, responding to a suicide call that came from Oklahoma. My guess is that it was a prank call to begin with.

Man caught in prostitution sting trying to buy a sex act for his underaged son. It almost makes me wonder how old the infamous "Man Show Boy" really was and whether that show directly contributed to the delinquency of a minor. I can't imagine so. He was probably a really young-looking 21. (EDIT: A quick check on IMDb confirms that Aaron Hamill was 12-15 while he was on The Man Show. Eep.) But child endangerment ends up in the pale when you consider the bus driver who threw a sick diabetic kid off the bus to fend for himself in the middle of nowhere. Well, six blocks from his house, but it might as well have been nowhere. Fortunately, he had a cell phone on him to call home.

A little girl's stuffed dog was in a car that was impounded, and her jailbound mother is trying to get it back. Perhaps that's a good sign that it's not full of drugs, because what kind of idiot would ask the cops to fetch a toy filled with drugs? Oh, wait.... In other animal related news, with a sick person thrown in for flavor, this student is trying to convince Our Lady of the Lake University to let her keep a ferret that helps her fight panic attacks. Seeing-eye dogs are allowed just about anywhere, so why not panic-reducing ferrets? Then again, forget the bottle lady... I'd love to see House yell at this girl for having a psychological disorder. But he'd only do that if it would actually fix the problem.

Fighting over the microwaves can be hot and heavy here, but these women got into a knife fight over which one could microwave her soup first. While they were fighting, I assume the young and dashing intern pushed their containers aside and microwaved a Hot Pocket.

Round two of the Vatican's exorcism course. Can I be the guy who shows up in a track suit and says "Oh, THAT kind of exorcise!"?

McDonald's Japan unveils a new shrimp burger among many other ventures hoping to cut costs and raise profits. That sounds good. Why can't we have one?

A non-member of the Saudi royal family tries to sell a fake Rembrandt and brass doors that weren't actually part of Muhammad Ali's house. Yet another reason not to pay huge amounts of money for art, I feel. All it does is prove that you were willing to pay a lot of money for something. And for that purpose, a fake would work just as well as the real thing. Just frame the receipt in the corner. And next time, don't buy your art at Deals-R-Us. No, seriously. Don't.

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