Nidoking (nidoking) wrote,

More fun stuff with death and crime and strippers

The strippers first, because that's our sports news for today. A Naperville gentlemen's club sponsors a golf outing complete with lapdancers in bikinis. I guess they had to do SOMETHING to make it interesting... In diving news, this guy fell off a bridge and drowned.

One woman we've hopefully all forgotten by now sent police on a search by pretending to be kidnapped so she could get out of getting married. This guy had cops searching for the body of the hitchhiker he hadn't really killed because he wanted a divorce. The police are not your plaything! They're there to take care of legitimate business, like shutting down kids' lemonade stands because they compete with the local sausage vendor and trying to find a gas station thief whose mask didn't hide his giant nose. They've already arrested the guys who stole a body from a hospital to use it to smuggle cocaine, but sometimes, the crooks aren't quite thrilled to be nabbed. This guy thought he'd be clever by paying a $120 speeding ticket in pennies, but the judge was cleverer... she made him wait in the courtroom until they'd been counted. He was lucky that they decided to haul the garbage can down to the bank and use the coin-counting machine, and they even returned his change to him - I'd have kept it for contempt and lost time.

Yet another squirrel fire causes a blackout. Someday, Darwin will teach those damn squirrels not to touch the electric wires.

A stray pig escapes from the people who have been feeding it. They try to keep it away from the road because the meat would do them little good - local sausage vendors have been blacklisted for shutting down kids' lemonade stands. At least it's not hot sausage-inna-bun.

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