Nidoking (nidoking) wrote,

Late-breaking news

It's Doughnut Day, so go to the local Krispy Kreme for your freebie, because Subway is doing away with theirs.

British air flights to Tokyo offer in-flight Japanese. There are two levels: fanboy and people with intelligence.

The Germans hold a mobile phone throwing competition. As long as some of those things get destroyed, everyone's a winner.

A Chilean economist tries to sell her soul after three years of unemployment to bring attention to her country's plight or some such while making a few thousand bucks on the side. But the Devil seems to be a bit occupied with, you know, stuff that isn't an online scam. Or maybe being on the other end of online scams. Anyway, I think the lesson here is to not be an economist in a country whose economy can't support you. (You'd think she'd have figured that one out beforehand.)

Not sure who to root for when the guy who lit a cigarette in an outhouse got blown up and is suing the owners of the outhouse and the company who ran over the methane pipe and caused the leak. The Surgeon General, however, DID warn him of the dangers of smoking.

The police do nice things for people, like escort confused old ladies home. But when that home is full of illegal firearms, they come back to make the arrest. Naturally, it was her twice-convicted felon of a husband who was at fault for that one.

This guy destroyed a bunch of graves near Uncle Sam's monument, but that may not be the worst problem he faces... he did it because his marijuana dealer had pissed him off.

A corrections officer videoed his own family in the bathroom. Uh... why?

The symptoms this guy thought were a heart attack, for which he drove to the hospital through several solid objects, were actually drug-related symptoms. Yay, DUI.

Colorado peoples protest a councilman named Lender by giving him bagels. His dog got sick from eating one... that's a bad sign. And yes, he IS the grandson of the founder of Lender's Bagels.

A much better prank than that toilet-wrapping, door handle-greasing one... prankful students painted a mural on the lobby ceiling that the principal will leave in place because it's beautiful. Why can't all pranks be like that?

An 8-year-old boy takes his brand-new go-cart on a 20-mile highway drive to show it to a friend. This one ends well... nothing happened, and they found him. Surprising. Maybe kids are just more resilient these days... a 2-year-old in the Bronx survived a 3-story fall onto an awning - a STEEL awning.

The mysteries some people care about. The identity of who dies in the next Harry Potter book is on that list. Looks like there's a big crowd who suspect Dumbledore. I'm more interested in Harry Blackstone's floating lit light bulb trick.

A Sydney bank employee finds a large stash of money and keeps it. That's bad. Instead of either having the moral satisfaction of the money finding its owner or getting to keep it if nobody claims it, he gets to go to prison and the money goes to the state if nobody claims it. Talk about burning money. Actually, I'll talk about burning money. This Israeli guy got in a money fight with his wife, so he burned a large portion of their savings. "Large" being almost $700,000.

The only black student in a group yearbook photo is identified as "Black Girl". It can't be much worse than the scammer who uses the name "Bright Negro". Maybe the yearbook editors should have watched the San Francisco 49ers diversity training video, which seems to put the complete works of Trey Parker and Matt Stone to shame. Meanwhile, the public have nothing better to complain about (literally... this tops the British Advertising Standards Authorities previous record for number of complaints about a single advertisement) than a KFC commercial featuring call-in support staff singing with their mouths full. Yes, singing with a mouth full of chicken is more controversial than the pope wearing a helmet to advocate safe sex or a man regurgitating a dog to advertise chewing gum.

Remember the closet in England with the huge rent? That's nothing to rising Hong Kong rents from 50% to 200% that are pushing retailers out of business. And Canada Post is threatening to stop delivering to this woman because her front porch is 10 cm higher than the maximum 20 cm allowed by building codes. People in buildings are just getting screwed all over.

Neil Armstrong sues the barber who sold his hair to a collector. I don't understand what any of the three of them were doing. In related news, Carrie Underwood toast is selling well on eBay.

  • Post a new comment


    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded