April 10th, 2019

Moa: The King of Destruction

Every episode of House

PATIENT X: (randomly collapses while doing something)
Theme song
HOUSE: This is a simple problem. Here is the obvious cure.
TEAM: We already tried that and it didn't work.
HOUSE: Hmm. Maybe it's lupus. Break into the patient's house and find a useful clue.
CUDDY: House, go do clinic duty.
HOUSE: No.
CUDDY: I'm your boss.
HOUSE: I hate you because you're overbearing, but I still want to have sex with you.
CUDDY: Maybe another time. Do your clinic duty.
PATIENT Y: I have a simple medical problem.
HOUSE: This is so far beneath me that I'm not even going to pretend to care. Take two of these and don't call me.
TEAM: Something strange happened to the patient!
HOUSE: Interesting. It isn't lupus. Let's try something no sane doctor would ever do.
CUDDY: House, why is your patient hanging upside down from the ceiling?
HOUSE: It's a well-known diagnostic technique I just made up. Now I know what the problem actually is.
WILSON: What is wrong with you, House?
HOUSE: What isn't?
PATIENT X: If you learned to care about people, you'd be happier. Look at me. I know I'm about to die, and I'm okay with that.
HOUSE: I'm not listening to you. You're sick.
TEAM: Something strange happened to the patient!
HOUSE: I'm out of ideas. Maybe I'll go back to the clinic.
PATIENT Y: That thing you told me to do didn't work!
HOUSE: I see. Not only can I cure you, but I now understand exactly what's been happening with my other patient. It's a rare, ancient strain of hedgehog flu that can only be contracted from socks with tungsten fibers.
TEAM: You're a genius, House! You cured the patient!
PATIENT X: I hope this experience has taught you something.
HOUSE: Yes, I have a new method for trying to have sex with Cuddy.
CUDDY: No.
End theme, unless you're watching on Fox, in which case you can't hear it over the promos for the show you're about to watch next