April 10th, 2019

Moa: The King of Destruction

Every episode of House

PATIENT X: (randomly collapses while doing something)
Theme song
HOUSE: This is a simple problem. Here is the obvious cure.
TEAM: We already tried that and it didn't work.
HOUSE: Hmm. Maybe it's lupus. Break into the patient's house and find a useful clue.
CUDDY: House, go do clinic duty.
CUDDY: I'm your boss.
HOUSE: I hate you because you're overbearing, but I still want to have sex with you.
CUDDY: Maybe another time. Do your clinic duty.
PATIENT Y: I have a simple medical problem.
HOUSE: This is so far beneath me that I'm not even going to pretend to care. Take two of these and don't call me.
TEAM: Something strange happened to the patient!
HOUSE: Interesting. It isn't lupus. Let's try something no sane doctor would ever do.
CUDDY: House, why is your patient hanging upside down from the ceiling?
HOUSE: It's a well-known diagnostic technique I just made up. Now I know what the problem actually is.
WILSON: What is wrong with you, House?
HOUSE: What isn't?
PATIENT X: If you learned to care about people, you'd be happier. Look at me. I know I'm about to die, and I'm okay with that.
HOUSE: I'm not listening to you. You're sick.
TEAM: Something strange happened to the patient!
HOUSE: I'm out of ideas. Maybe I'll go back to the clinic.
PATIENT Y: That thing you told me to do didn't work!
HOUSE: I see. Not only can I cure you, but I now understand exactly what's been happening with my other patient. It's a rare, ancient strain of hedgehog flu that can only be contracted from socks with tungsten fibers.
TEAM: You're a genius, House! You cured the patient!
PATIENT X: I hope this experience has taught you something.
HOUSE: Yes, I have a new method for trying to have sex with Cuddy.
End theme, unless you're watching on Fox, in which case you can't hear it over the promos for the show you're about to watch next