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July 29th, 2008

I haven't got much, but while network problems hamper my work efforts, I may as well post a little something, because I think I've finally found the funniest news story in all of history: past, present, and future.

Political buttons printed with Barack Obama standing with Senator Larry "bathroom footsie" Craig instead of Larry LaRocco. Malicious or mistaken? You be the judge.

Iowa nude dance emporium in trouble after the sheriff's underaged daughter snuck in. I think the sheriff is just trying to cover up his bad parenting skills by blaming society. However, the backlash is threatening to close down ALL such establishments in the state, declaring that nude dancing is not art and therefore violates public indecency laws. I think we all know what I consider to be publicly indecent.

Poland won't let scientists run DNA tests on Chopin's heart to see whether he died of cystic fibrosis rather than tuberculosis. Rats! That was going to be the stunning climax of Eternal Sonata 2!

Police in Portland are fighting the requirement to follow traffic laws. Namely, they want to be allowed to park illegally while eating at restaurants. I've got a better idea: Restaurants that are interested in increased police business can designate certain parking spaces "police only" so that police can park both conveniently and legally. It's exactly the same way we handle handicapped parking spaces... in an ideal world.

Eating soy may reduce sperm count, particularly in overweight men. But can you really get overweight eating soy? I wonder where the heck they found the men for this study.

And finally, so hilarious it has to be true: A student of an obviously religious (unnamed) university in Florida is facing expulsion for kidnapping the body Christ because he walked away with an uneaten Communion wafer. Sure, it brings up the old question of whether those who receive Communion are cannibals, but more importantly, the kid kidnapped a cracker. A tiny wafer of unleavened bread, or whatever it is they use in those ceremonies. What's next, a gunman taking the entire dish hostage? "Nobody move, or the snack gets it!" One of their leaders has said "Imagine if they kidnapped somebody and you make a plea for that individual to please return that loved one to the family." Well, see, that's different. That's a person. This... is a wafer. You buy them by the boxload or bake a pan of them, and a priest blesses them. And if you actually believe that it's a strip of Jesus meat... so? How many billions of those have people eaten already? Maybe the kid plans to use the DNA to jump-start the second coming. Imagine his surprise when it starts to rot and stink up his bedroom. Then he'll wish he'd eaten it while it was still flesh.

Man, I missed news posts.
"I want to see a webpage that doesn't have any Javascript, no LOLcats, and definitely no porn!"
"That's all we've got, really... LOLcats. They're only little LOLcats."
"*sigh* Ceiling Cat or non-Ceiling Cat?"
"I think they're ROTFLs, mostly."
"Great. He can't make a PHP script, but he can classify the ouvres of unicellular organisms."
Happy tomorrow birthday to ankita_1. I hope my special Jesus joke entertained you enough to count as an early present. I've got a whole tag full of them. Learn about everything from Jesus-scented candles to the wife of Christ. I wish I could remember what became of my post about when God ran a business... it was in a community and I think it got metaquoted, but I must not have put it in Memories. Rats.

Today's Bridge: We got off lucky. VERY lucky. I wimped out in a hand where Ken opened 1D and I had just enough points, with five diamonds, to raise him to 2. On his own initiative from there, he went all the way to 5D to keep them out of hearts, and made it. Splendidly done, although I didn't say it at the time, other than that I should have been the one bidding 5D. The opponents kept us out of several losing hands, making sacrifices to do it, and Dan elected to bid the safe 6H instead of the easily made 7H in the hand that turned out to be the turning point of the rubber. For the final hand, I put in a 3C bid after they'd settled on 2NT, and Steve went up to 3H. Ken decided to double because it was the last hand and we needed a big set to overcome their slam bonus, and Steve redoubled because I don't think he understands how the scoring works. The two-trick set would have given us just enough to win with only the double, but the redouble assured us the victory.

Today's Computing: I finally convinced Vista to install enough of Symantec to tell me that there were known compatibility issues with no known solutions, so I uninstalled all of the Norton products and downloaded Avira instead, but not in that order. Hooray for free antivirus protection!

Looking at old entries turned up a couple of "guess the line" memes that never got finished, and a sharp kick in the nuts as I realized that I was writing the last parts of the most recent chapter of the A Deadly Choice rewrite three YEARS ago. I've been blocked for that long. Ouch. I need to read both versions through again, refresh my memory, figure out how to bring the two stories in line again, and get to the parts I've really been wanting to write all this time. Still, I need to revive the anime song lyrics guessing meme somehow, if only just reposting the lines so some of the anime fans who've started reading within the last few years can have a crack at them. Honestly, I can't understand why nobody knew what anime theme the line "Ooh ooh, ooh ooh, yeah" was from. I PUT THAT IN THERE SO I'D GET RESPONSES! So sad. Of course, it was interesting reading my own guess the lyrics meme after all these years and taking some time to remember some of the songs myself. I need to add some more from some of my recent favorite series. "Uketotta chikara jounetsu ni kawaru" or something like that.

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Yes, I'm THAT Nidoking. Sometimes I write fanfiction... often I waste all my time playing video games and watching anime. But it's not a waste if I enjoy it, right? I can quote from a movie, video game, anime series, or British comedy apropos of just about any situation, and one of my main goals in life is to entertain people. (The other big one is amassing as much anime and manga as I can... see below for a progress report.) That's me in a nutshell. ("Help! I'm trapped in a nutshell! What a bloody great nutshell this is!")
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