October 5th, 2006

Moa: The King of Destruction

A solemn reminder of how the news began

Today's MDN: Cleaning the toilet will make you rich and famous. And that doesn't require a noisy turtle fountain, either. But you know something? I bet Bill Gates doesn't clean his toilet every time he uses it.

Thieves steal ATMs with forklifts to get at the sweet, sweet cash inside. But it's such a crude method that it's far below the greats like Lupin III and Mouse.

Watch for Canada's Worst Driver on the Discovery Channel Oct. 16.

Rural Chinese families buy dead brides for their dead unmarried sons. Western sensibilities may believe that Communism is bad point blank, but at least they're trying to rub out such stupid superstitions. Can you believe a family saving up four years of income to buy a dead body just because their sons have died? Then again, they probably have cheap funerals compared to ours. But the article points out the true irony of China's patriarchy... because daughters are considered worthless, they're often aborted, abandoned, or even killed after birth to make room for sons, making those few who survive to marrying age worth a small fortune. Anyway, we all know that the real secret to afterlife happiness isn't about having a corpse at your side. It's having a clean toilet.

Medical news: Don't use a tourniquet for snakebites, and don't reopen the wound to suck poison out. That'd be a bad move, pilgrim.

An Alabama pastor has been forging names on checks. I guess he figured people would think that two different people had stolen the checks he was entrusted with and used them to pay off his bills. Because nobody pays attention to what the checks are being used FOR... only who they're being used BY.

A South Carolina teacher punishes a boy for stomping on a student's foot by letting the class stomp on his. I don't see why people are up in arms about that. It'll sure teach the kid not to stomp on feet.

Parents kidnap bride hoping to prevent her from getting married. Because that's the way to get your daughter on your side... by force.

Woman sexually assaults male flight attendant. True, she just grabbed his butt, but how often do you get to hear about women grabbing men's butts instead of the other way around? We clearly don't see the need for "Male-only" train cars to combat the female groping problem.

A German doctor whose patients stiffed him on breast enhancement surgeries has given pictures of their chests to police. So now German police have the unpleasant job of staring at women's chests, and possibly forcing them to bare their breasts, in order to find the culprits. Anyone out there got any leads on joining the Berlin police force?

City council candidate urges voters not to vote for him. Because he landed his new job too late to remove himself from the ballot, and he doesn't think he could do a good enough job in the office, but stepping down once he's voted in would cost the city a lot of money, he's trying to get people to vote for his opponents. Man, what an honest politician. We need more people like him running this country. I think we should all vote for that guy. Everyone, lend your support!

California babysitter picks up the wrong child from school. Let this be a lesson to everyone: Parents, make sure the complete stranger has a picture of your child before sending them out to a pickup. Also, make sure your child knows whether or not he's supposed to be picked up by a babysitter. Children, don't talk to strangers. Babysitters, make sure the parents and children do what they're supposed to do.

A Colombian soap opera/sitcom/drama follows a young girl who wants breast implants. I have a feeling she'll end up writing a bad check and having her boobs forwarded to the cops. Then again, anime has been using this plot device for years, from Mahoromatic to Popotan and probably lots of other series.
Moa: The King of Destruction

(no subject)

Tomorrow will be kismetn's birthday. I hear she already has a celebration lined up. So you go girl, or whatever it is the trendy people are saying.

Today's Bridge: The other side was ahead for most of the rubber, mainly because their sets were bigger than ours (particularly when Dan supported my temporizing bid with very minimal support, after the other side had bid again), but we pulled ahead with a 4D contract that I thought was crazy, even after we made it. Then we made another high bid to give us the game and the victory, I think.

Today's Work: I spent the entire day trying to get my travel orders processed, and after about an hour of travel system downtime, I contacted just about everyone in the chain of approvals, and nobody's seen the orders yet. I believe it's still at the travel office, or some tier between them and my department. Seven approvers, and not one of them has responded yet. So I've got tomorrow to get on people's cases, or I'll be back at work on Tuesday trying to arrange an evening flight, leaving me no time to rest for the mission. Mike jokingly referred to my DTS problems as techno-paranoia, and said that as long as it was TRYING to help me, it was on my side. I don't think it was trying while it was down... game, set, and match.

I was up late last night watching the R. Kelly "Trapped in the Closet" video, just to get more of a perspective on the Weird Al version. I'm probably going to listen to the edited version (where they make it sound like he's really coming out of the closet) at some point, but tonight, I want to get back to watching Seven of Seven. I believe I'm up to a climactic, pivotal episode.

And I'm almost done with the third chapter of the Harry Potter fanfic MST... I just need to write an outro of some sort and give it another editing pass, and it'll be ready for author approval. Just so you all know I haven't completely been slacking in the writing department.