March 10th, 2006

RahXephon Cat

Mustn't forget to title the news!

Dead guy sits in a car on the side of a Canadian highway for three days before anyone realizes he ain't moving. One disturbing question that the article doesn't raise is how much time passed between him pulling off the road and him actually kicking the bucket. Probably not much, given that he would most likely have tried to signal someone if he could, but... who knows? Maybe he was poisoned before he left.

Car thief stops to ask for directions from the father of the car's owner.

Cat cheers up depressed orangutan at zoo. Well, isn't that the first thing you try? Nothing cheers someone up like a tabby... unless they're allergic to cats. I think those are the people who most need cheering up.

Evicted tenant dumps all his stuff on the lawn before leaving. The article doesn't really give his side, though... it says his partner died, and then he was evicted. If those are related, I'd have been pretty pissed off too.

Springville High School students are suspended for spraying the school with skunk oil. I almost hope they don't graduate... it'd be a harsh lesson they'd never forget. But some lessons can be learned without the penalty... if the threat is serious enough, and the offender has a conscience. In this case, I have no idea.

Denmark's Little Mermaid statue is vandalized with an extra body part. The list of past vandalisms is a pretty long one. Sometimes one wonders why people spend so much to repair things that are so easily damaged and don't really serve any function except as symbols of... something.

Neurosurgeon throws a fit over having to wait for instruments to be sterilized. They think he was drunk at the time, but can't prove it.

Owl smacks into window and leaves perfect imprint. The picture is there too... very cartoonesque. You can picture a commercial with the same thing... actually, I think I've seen it.

Think your coworkers give you a hard time? Think you've seen hazing before? Three years ago, this Southwest Airlines employee was subjected to a humiliating fake arrest in public to celebrate the end of her probation period. She finally has the green light to sue the police department and the city of Albuquerque. And Weird Al made it sound so welcoming in his song....

The mayor of Nashville neighbor Coopertown refuses to accept a check with "for speed trap" in the memo line as payment for a speeding ticket. It's just words, you know... I said "So help me God" when I was sworn into my job, and I don't believe a word of it. Take the damn check already. On the plus side, the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation is looking into whether he can legally turn the check down. The system's working... for now. On the other hand, some non-functional words really CAN be damaging, a lesson well-learned by the woman whose Walgreens prescription slip for her anxiety medication called her a crazy psycho. And I'm not talking about an altered name... this was in the comments field.

A school bus driver strands a boy six miles from home because he missed his stop. She's been fired in what's no doubt a face-saving measure for the company. Don't they drill things into drivers' heads like "Check the bus for strays after dropping them off at school"?

Here's a story that's actually pretty personal to me, even though I don't know any of the people or places involved. An atheist put the chance to save his soul up for auction on eBay. Specifically, he offered to attend an hour of church service for every $10 of the final bid. But the winner had other plans. He wants the guy to attend only 10 to 15 services and write a critique of each one for a website. He's getting an atheist's perspective of Christian services, and if the guy finds Christ while he's at it, bonus. As someone who went to church looking to find Christ again and ended up turning to a very Atheistic angle on Agnosticism, I can appreciate that maybe there is more to the story than a guy looking to make easy money by getting paid to go to church. And he seems to be doing a decent job with the reviews. One that the article mentions which I really like was about a pastor who hammered on a verse in Galatians where Paul called them fools for not believing, but the pastor never applied that to the congregation. That's what makes it all seem so dogmatic to outsiders. Another point was the constant prayer about everything, even things that he feels no god would directly influence, like finding adequate parking for more church members. That was what eventually got to me about the atmosphere... everything, happy or sad, was good because it was what God willed; yet it always seemed like people were encouraged to pray for the survival of the people in the bulletin, God's will completely aside. It wasn't until they actually died that it was good for them to die because they were with God. Too mindlessly tautologous for me.

Woman fined for being caught on camera doing her makeup behind the wheel. It blows the mind. My head a splode. And she'll probably write "for speed trap" in the Memo blank and get rejected.

A rare $10,000 bill will be sent to New York for safe keeping. It prompted me to look up who's on each bill... most of them I knew, but Samuel P. Chase was yet another non-president who managed to make his way onto a bill, alongside Alexander Hamilton and Ben Franklin. And I didn't know there was a Woodrow Wilson $100,000 bill... I once read in a magazine that $10,000 was the highest denomination. There's also a million dollar bill featuring the Statue of Liberty, but I'm pretty sure that's not legal tender.

Nuns face off against librarians in spelling bee. That's not as much interesting as it is a good story to go out on.