March 7th, 2006

Moa: The King of Destruction

Just can't get enough of that newsahol.

Two die of carbon monoxide poisoning while having sex in a running car in a closed garage. Yes, that's almost word for word what the headline says, but you just can't sum it up better than that. I'm seeing a lot of flak on my friends list, and rightly so, about South Dakota's abortion ban and the need for increased abstinence awareness, since it's the only recourse women have left now that they can't have abortions or birth control (and even abstinence is only an option as long as the men of South Dakota can keep their perverted rapist organs in their underwear... because we know all men are rapists*). Here's the campaign for you: STDs aren't all you have to worry about. Sex can kill you NOW.

* Obviously, I don't believe this for a second. But I'm sure there are women out there who do, and it's hard to blame them. You rapist assholes out there... cut it the f*ck out and quit dragging our gender through the mud! More than it already has been, anyway. I just said this because I didn't want anyone to think I was picking on South Dakota men specifically.

A fire department batallion chief has been arrested for having sex with a lamb. There may be mitigating factors involved in the case, though: The police report that he was only with the lamb because the 13-year-old girl who was home alone at the time didn't answer the door. Well, I'm the one who drew the connection between the two facts, but you know they'll be thinking it. Also, he wasn't in a running car at the time. However, video of the act will probably end up on a criminology professor's computer to get him into trouble a few years down the road. I suppose the guy's lucky he doesn't live in the Sudan. People there have to marry the animals they have sex with.

A 75-year-old woman robs a bank to help the starving people. But she won't disclose which starving people she was trying to help. I wonder how hungry she was at the time....

Sex toy vending machines move out of bathrooms and into bars in England. Well, they're certainly not ashamed of sex or the odd things you can do along with it. And I don't seem to be either, given that it's almost all I'm talking about today. So how about some toilet humor instead? Australian toilet makers plan to target heavier patrons by making stronger toilets. Meanwhile, American companies and government bodies just keep telling fat people to get skinny and quit being so fat. Then they force Diet Carb-Free soda down a bunch of throats.

In a story completely unrelated to the abortion ban, this British girl has just given birth to the baby conceived on her 13th birthday. She didn't even know she was pregnant until then. See what the lack of sexual education is doing to our youth? Since we all know that she would be a loathsome monster with no right to exist had she had an abortion (fine, I made the connection anyway. Happy?), she could have used the time to prepare for the baby's arrival and make arrangements for taking care of her once she figured out what was going on. If only she had been equipped with the tools of reasoning to put all the clues together....

A homeless man got set on fire while he slept in Boston. It seems like this is a spreading problem. I urge those responsible to stop doing it and think about their actions. The homeless people they're hurting are no different from those of us who have homes and jobs. Maybe they just weren't raised by parents who could take care of them. They may even have been unwanted and abandoned by mothers who ran out of options when they got pregnant. So count yourself lucky that you can afford lighter fluid and matches, kids. The next homeless guy you set on fire might have a dog who can wake him up and save his family from the burning house... except for the house part.

A cheerleader who landed on her head kept performing her routine on the stretcher. My guess is that when she wakes up in the hospital, they'll congratulate her for her bravery and reassuring the crowd that she was all right and she'll go "What?"

A drunk hearse driver bites a policeman. I suppose the bright side in all of that is that a hearse driver isn't likely to injure his passenger if he's in an accident. But it's still very, very wrong to drink and drive, just like it's very wrong to have sex and we should all just stop doing it, like they do in South Dakota.

And that's all the ban-hating I've got in me today. Tune in tomorrow when I pick another choice piece of legislation and completely ignore it in favor of more funny news, hopefully less sex-related.
Moa: The King of Destruction

(no subject)

Today's Bridge: Kelly opened the first hand a bit weaker than I'd like, so we ended up in a slam off one. I still liked our chances, though, and I may have chosen the wrong finesse. We didn't do particularly spectacularly from that point, but after losing two games, we had a couple of decent hands. One of those was Dan botching an easy 5D contract, but we take what we can get.

Today's Work: What I did was largely irrelevant. The amusing part was that, right at the end of the day, the activity that's already taken three pairs of drives from our old systems asked us to send more. Naturally, we were very reluctant, since we're starting to run low and the drives obviously weren't their problem. Eventually, we decided to send them all the drives we can spare, and do what we can to replace the rest of their hardware. And at that point, we wash our hands of supplying them with hardware.

Today's Jak X: I earned a few more Orbs and beat some races, nearly missing the start of House (and the window during which I wanted to take a shower beforehand) to beat a course that spanned several courses I've already run, where the competition was so fierce that a crash from first place would usually drop me to sixth. I've now got enough orbs to power up my racer quite a bit, but I think I'll try to save them for Class 3.

Today's Mail: Still no Shoujo Beat for March, but the first Anime Nation package arrived, with the November backissue and DVDs 4 and 5 of Kodocha. 699, baby. (Although I should probably recount at some point, and maybe feed the whole collection into a spreadsheet just to keep my math up to date.)

Meru Puri definitely got into its stride quickly, and I'm looking forward to reading more of it, once I figure out which book of MÄR I left off with. I thought I'd read book 5, but I didn't remember the summary of it from book 6. So I'll start reading at book 5, and if I recognize anything, I'll put it back. I should keep better track of how much of each series I've read as well.

I also get triple points at Replay until the 15th, if I can be bothered to go all the way to a store in that time. They just missed me.

Today's FCM: Some physicist is going to kill me for the liberties I've taken with quantum theory and tunneling. But I invite them to find an explanation for Planet Power that DOESN'T transcend physics, and when they fail, bid them enjoy my dissertation on Benson radiation and high concentrations of skewed quantum travel probability. And then right back to the ex-naked Venus, I promise.

I'm going to take an anime break now, which I haven't done in days. I'll reveal my favorite characters tomorrow, hopefully, so get your last guesses in fast!