February 18th, 2005

Moa: The King of Destruction

News in defiance of the anonymous detractor

*bows*

First, a story I heard about because it was local but didn't know the details of until now. Everyone knows that you don't win the big lottery prizes, so there's no point checking to see if you've won anything more than the piddly pocket change prizes with your lottery ticket. The clerk at the cafe sure didn't. But the people who had bought it disappointedly threw away the $100,000 winning ticket. The Lottery Commission is looking into the obvious complaint, but figures the money's probably going to belong to the woman who fished the ticket out of the trash. Speaking of jackpots, New Jersey State Police hit the jackpot when they found over $5 million in a truck left idling a bit too long. Two days too long, actually. Anyone know how long a truck can usually idle on a tank of gas? And speaking of gas, the Goosebumps shoe company didn't intend to make whoopie cushion shoes, but their supplier gave them cheap insole material. I suppose they wouldn't work as novelties unless they were made for much smaller feet. Just imagine hundreds of those tromping around an elementary school, though. The kids would love them!

I don't know why this page isn't displaying properly... maybe whoever wrote the HTML is as asleep as the German thief who fell asleep while trying to steal a car stereo. He's being charged with trespass, larceny, and narcolepsy.

I bet people would stop throwing cigarettes out their car windows if they came back in and set the car on fire. If only the world worked that way...

Americans aren't the only ones who misprint phone books. Here's a Canadian phone book that has a phone sex number instead of highway information. But it's printed by an American distributor... the same one, perhaps? This has to be at least the third case of this in a year. In related news, Boise, Idaho has banned nudity in gentlemen's clubs, but there's an exception - nudity for artistic purposes. So an enterprising gentlemen's club distributes pencils and paper two nights a week for "art night" and invites the patrons to sketch the nude models on stage. But art doesn't always put people above the law, as a living statue found out when he was arrested for failing to halt. But people can call anything they want to "art", and that doesn't make it so. Maybe this writeup is "artistic". You don't know.

A teacher fed up with a stinky student made him spray himself with Lysol in front of his classmates. He's still being teased about it, and now the parents want monetary reparations. I think the school should just give Stinky a pair of fart-shoes and call it even.

Okay, that was a little harsh. Make it two pairs of fart-shoes for the Lysol-boy and free counseling plus the use of the school showers twice daily.

Kids get teased. It happens. Deal with it. You think I breezed through life unscathed with the last name "Katinas"? At least he's not "Regina Tucker".

A Rabbi ruled that spitting out gum or sticking it to hidden surfaces violates Jewish law. I never saw a "thou shalt not" about gum, but if it makes the world a little cleaner, "shalt not" away! He recommends swallowing on those "special occasions because of special circumstances" when chewing gum is appropriate at all... whatever the heck those may be. Now, just tell people to stop tossing cigarettes out windows and I'll nominate you for a medal.

"Bicycle Bandit" gets life plus 102 years for three robberies, one of which he wrote about on a dollar bill. Given the relative lengths of those sentences, shouldn't it be "102 years plus life"?

There's been some recent talk about college curricula and whether people are choosing the right majors. So why not get a degree in video games from Carnegie-Mellon? Or study at a Vatican university and take courses in Satanism and exorcism. And people say rock music is filling our kids' heads with that stuff...

Ever get fed up at the cable guy/internet tech/plumber/electrician/grout guy who shows up seven hours late and expects you to wait all that time? You know you do. This guy shot at them. Granted, he told them to leave when they arrived, and they got angry and kicked the door and called him names. But then he shot their truck. You're supposed to call the company and complain repeatedly until they agree to give you a giant discount, and spread word to your friends. (SBC DSL technicians are always late in Bloomington.)

If you really want to get into jail, breaking in works marvelously. Especially if you're smuggling in marijuana. Didn't he learn anything from playing Grow-Op, the marijuana-farming game from Bored Games Corp.? (Yes, I mentioned that quite some time ago. Glad to see you're paying attention.)

Funeral homes seem to love sending people their dead relatives' organs as much as phone book publishers love phone sex numbers. When they offer to donate their organs, they mean to hospitals.

I had a really weird dream last night, which I thought would be a good reason to plug my dream journal, nidodreams. Anybody who's into really weird thought patterns might enjoy it, particularly in the early days when I was remembering more dreams than i was forgetting.
Moa: The King of Destruction

Another open letter

To: The Weather

Re: Changing constantly from summer-like temperatures to winter-like temperatures, snowing and raining randomly, and being generally a pain.

Don't.

P.S. Sorry about the cut and paste job from my earlier open letter... rest assured that just as much effort and just as much ire went into this one.
Moa: The King of Destruction

(no subject)

Today's Exercise: Rung 12. This time, it wasn't bad. It comes and it goes, I suppose.

Today's Bridge: Nada for me, but CP and Mike finished their second leg of the tournament... 3000+ points down. Ouch. I watched CP double a couple of contracts that were reasonable, as he had them booked in his hand, but the 3NT from yesterday was a laydown even so and they failed to attack hearts in the 5D contract today, which would have set it. Oh well. There's still hope for my team.

Today's R&C 2: Built up the Clank Zapper, and that's about it. I've got 550,000 bolts of the 1,500,000 I need for the Zodiac, and then there's the 1,000,000 for the Carbonox Armor and 1,250,000 or so for the Mega Mini-Nuke, not to mention lots of other weapons to upgrade.

Today's returnofredsnow: I've been accepted as Jakin, the Dark Prince of Heat, so I'll need to make a journal for that this weekend. Any artists out there willing to help me come up with an icon or two? I don't really want to grab cels of a similar looking character and just use those... it seems like cheating somehow.

I may have to do my weekly food shopping tomorrow, because there's supposed to be lots of snow this weekend. Summer heat on Tuesday, Thursday it doesn't get above freezing, snow on Sunday. I refer the weather to my previous post. However, it's a long weekend, and I'm not planning to go anywhere, so hopefully the taxes will get filed, my unwatched anime collection will shrink by a few DVDs, and some of my stories will gain significant wordage. I just hope nobody expects ME to do any of those things.