Nidoking (nidoking) wrote,

Newsy-woozy su!

(I've been on a small Pita-Ten kick since last night. It's actually kinda fun.)

Is there anyone out there who didn't draw violent stick figure pictures of themselves brutally beating, stabbing, or otherwise killing a classmate while they were in elementary school? (Don't anwer that.) Apparently, it's too big to be considered trouble in school. These two Florida boys have been arrested on felony charges for it. Remember, every child is a gun-wielding homicidal maniac one failing grade away from snapping. Our neuroses as a society are entirely justified. Of course, we could all be calm and collected like the school bus driver who suffered an attempted hijacking at the hands of some of the students on her bus. She calmly ordered them to give her the knife, which they did, then drove to the school and told the administrators. I doubt that getting off the bus would have changed things much, as they planned to drive to Nevada, but this way nobody was hurt.

A surprise guilty plea in a South African homicide case where farm workers chopped up a coworker and fed him to lions, reportedly on orders from the farm's owner. The article makes note of the anti-racist protests going on but says nothing about who or what they're protesting, or the races of any of the people involved, which designates it a "filler" paragraph in my mind. But then, most of them are. Names like Forget Tsaku Ndlovu don't make things any clearer... no wonder the scammers don't notice anything unusual about names like "Hugh G. Rection" and "Mi Semen Stains".

The headline story here is a guy who had six hours to make a 360 mile round trip and get to work in the wee hours of the Wisconsin morning. So he sped. And the cops lined up down I-90 to sequentially issue over $1300 in speeding tickets. But that page features a wealth of other stories, including a truck thief who drank the owner's tobacco spit and a mention of Further Confusion, otherwise known as FurCon, a Furry convention, which may or may not be of interest to some readers.

I was talking a while ago about people getting way too uptight about the tsunami thing, and I still stand by it. But the song that a New York radio station played for four days, a tsunami-based parody of "We Are the World", sounds a little too offensive to be worth protecting under that particular umbrella. I've been guilty of insensitivity at times myself, and I still feel bad about it. But I can't imagine it going on for four days without anyone realizing.

37 years ago, a Navy recruit sent his mother a postcard. It just came back to him in an envelope with no return address. His family has no idea how it happened, but maybe the mother is playing a practical joke or even just plain doesn't like the kid anymore. You didn't hear me say that.

A mother places a classified ad for two Super Bowl tickets for her sons, who aren't even fans of either team but live within walking distance of the stadium. Too bad she wasn't around when they were filming that Seinfeld episode.

Here's a prom dress for the perverts among you... or rather not quite a dress, because a dress is usually made from more fabric than imagination. Yes, there's an image accompanying the article, so it may not be work-safe. But maybe this is just what the schools need to prevent more of those psycho kids. After all, the boys will be too distracted to think about killing, and the girls won't have anywhere to hide weapons. Apparently, even though the article makes out that nobody in their right mind is buying it, that dress is a top seller for the company. Just like that carcinogenic Pokemon.

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