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Today's Bridge: Only four people showed up, so I got to play even though I drew the low card. It got off to a pretty good start, when the opponents cut in in clubs while we were bidding hearts, and Ken jumped to game. I doubled on principle (and the ace of trump) and we set them two. I had a pretty nice hand with S K-x H A-10-x D K-J-9-x-x-x C 9-x. Dan H. as my partner opened 1C, so I bid 1D, I think Ken bid 1H, Dan bid 2C, and I jumped to 3D to show a very good suit and good strength that wasn't quite enough to jump the first time. He bid 3S, so I felt safe going to 3NT. His hand was S A-J-x-x H x-x-x-x C A-Q-J-10-x... so not a great fit, but I figured Ken had the missing power because of his bid. I let two hearts go by, and Paul led a diamond through me, so I had to pick my finesse. I went with the king, and Ken covered and led another heart. In with the ace, I stupidly led the low club instead of the nine, so even though the finesse worked, I had to cross back to my hand with the king of spades to take it again. This time, Ken played the king, so I covered and ran the clubs, throwing diamonds. Finally, I was down to S A-J H 6 in dummy and S x D J-x in my hand, with the queen of diamonds still out. With no other option, I led the heart to Ken, who returned a low spade, and the jack took the trick so the ace could cover his queen. He congratulated me on a successful guess, but I think he had to have another queen in his hand at the time for his bid, and if he'd had the queen of diamonds, he would undoubtedly have led it. That was the end of my success, though - Dan opened 1D when I had S J-10-9-8-7-6 H J-x D x C x-x-x-x. Paul took me off the hook with a 1H overcall, but I decided to push my hand to the limit and bid 1S. Ken bid 2H and Dan jumped to 3S, but I couldn't raise to 4 because I'd overstretched already. His hand was the incredible S A-Q-x-x H 5 D A-K-Q-x-x C K-Q-x, so it was a simple matter to lose a heart and the ace of clubs, take the diamond return and ruff a diamond, pull trump, and sluff clubs and a heart on the rest of the diamonds. Then I picked up H K-10-x-x D A-K-J-x-x C A-10-8-x. When Paul opened 2S, I had to double, and when Dan encouragingly bid 3H, I chose a 3S bid as the best way to force him to bid again and describe my hand at the same time, although it occurred to me after I'd bid that he had no possible cue-bid to make. He asked Ken what it meant and Ken suspected it was a natural bid. I was a bit insulting in my commentary afterward, but who naturally bids a suit with an opponent holding six of them? Dan found 4D anyway, and with that fit, I decided to risk 6H. Unfortunately, he only had S x-x H A-J-x-x-x D 10-x-x-x C J-x or thereabouts, and Ken had all four of the missing diamonds, so we lost the queen of diamonds and the queen of clubs. I don't think there's any way to make the contract after the king of clubs lead - no matter what we do, we're going to lose the queen of diamonds, and if we let Paul have the king of clubs on the opening lead, he's unlikely to lead another, and he'd need to lead twice to set up four clubs to sluff the two losing diamonds.

It was another late day, although I think the side effects may be dissipating, but the depression came back in a big way. It might just be coincidence that it didn't happen while I was still on one of the medications, or they could actually have elevated my mood enough that I didn't have any incidents until now, while they're leaving my system. At least now those thoughts seem wrong and foreign to me, which I can only take as a sign of improvement. I don't want to hate myself. I just also don't want to spend entire days on the toilet and entire nights tossing and turning in a pool of my own sweat as a substitute. It's kind of weird - the depression makes me almost want to put up with the side effects, but if the medication works, I respect myself enough to find the side effects unacceptable. The great irony of contradiction.

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Yes, I'm THAT Nidoking. Sometimes I write fanfiction... often I waste all my time playing video games and watching anime. But it's not a waste if I enjoy it, right? I can quote from a movie, video game, anime series, or British comedy apropos of just about any situation, and one of my main goals in life is to entertain people. (The other big one is amassing as much anime and manga as I can... see below for a progress report.) That's me in a nutshell. ("Help! I'm trapped in a nutshell! What a bloody great nutshell this is!")
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