Nidoking (nidoking) wrote,

The only thing that seems to be on everyone's mind today

It's been a weird day. I got the grocery shopping done, and didn't really need to buy much - I bought some family-sized Stouffer's frozen meals mostly because I could, and they should be good for two meals each, but since I only went to work two days last week, I didn't need to restock much. But the big news today was that someone who was a great friend to a lot of people I know killed himself, and that's pretty much set the tone for most of my online interactions today. I didn't know him personally, so I don't really feel anything, but then, it's been decades since I felt anything about any death. It's mostly people thinking about what they could have done to help him, which I believe is counterproductive, and remembering him fondly, which I can't really do. So I'm just staying out of the whole thing - offering the support that, as usual, no one will accept because nobody considers me someone they can talk to about their problems, and otherwise leaving the situation alone. But thinking about that and trying to do Folklore commentary (I experimented with putting a sock over the microphone as a pop filter, but it doesn't really work with my headset and I can't find the stand mic I bought back in December) made me think about death a bit more, and the fact that there just haven't been any deaths close enough to draw out whatever emotions I may still have - and I don't want there to be. But it seems kind of selfish to think that way - that people die all the time, but I don't want anyone close to me to be among them. Is that selfish? It seems like it might be in the Schröedinger sense - like if you hear that there was an accident and two people are dead, and someone you know might have been involved, and you think "I hope that person isn't one of the two who died." Schröedinger says that even though the accident has already happened and the two people are already dead, since you haven't found out who they are, they could be anyone. So if your thoughts have any influence at all, maybe your friend WAS one of the dead people and isn't now. So haven't you condemned a complete stranger to death? Of course, we all know that doesn't happen and your thoughts don't have any effect on the real world. But since they would if they did... isn't that the definition of selfishness? And is it selfish if you're genuinely wanting the best for other people, but for the selfish reason that they're people you know and other people aren't? What I am sure of is that none of that matters, but that's more or less the sum total of my attitude toward death so far in life. I never want it to change. And I KNOW that's selfish.

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